Happythankyoumoreplease

Honestly....sooo glad I didn't pay to watch this

A movie about love...not really more like a film about New York, okay I don't got shit all for an introduction can we just move on to the damn movie?

Surprisingly this doesn't paint New York as a magical city, where everyone is happy regardless of the violence, pollution and traffic. Josh Radnor (Ted from How I Met Your Mother) wrote this, I think, almost exclusively to show how New York can gobble up people whole, chew them out for 10-15 years and then spit them out to New Jersey. 

You definitely get a cynical feeling from the writing, which is exactly what I thought I needed right now instead of all the happy go lucky stuff, but by the end of it your like "OMG I NEED SOME HAPPY GO LUCKY STUFF" it's not even that sad it's just so incredibly mundane.

All the female characters suck (both on a personal level and on a story telling level) with the exception of Kate Mara's (tee hee Mara from Persona 3) character, Mississippi, who is cute and fragile and mysterious and she's not that good either but she had me smitten by the end of it.

All the male characters on the other hand...well there were four male characters all together:
Sam: A more cynical Ted, who doesn't like helping people anymore but he still does it cause it secretly makes him feel good, any notion of romance is gone from the outside but Ted is still in there romancing away...he reminds me of me...except in like 10 years

Long Haired Guy: Has a bitch for a girlfriend who's holding him back but is such a cool guy he doesn't even really mind

Guy That Showed Up For A Total Of Five Minutes To Show How Stupid One Of The Female Characters is: He's played with real depth...

Samtwo: Ohhh Samtwo, the fucking BEST part of this movie. A man with such persistence and such undeniable romancing prowess (thats right FUCKING PROWESS) that by the end of the movie you love this man with all your heart and just wish to be even a fraction of the awesomeness he is. If there's ANY reason to watch this movie it's Sammotherfuckingtwo

In the end the movie gave me a feeling of reinvigoration. That made me want to get up and live life again and visit downtown Toronto and all that great stuff, but that feeling is short lived and you realize that you will never want to watch this movie ever again, it felt (much like this blog post) cut up and at the end you feel like you've accomplished nothing, the only positive aspect is that the writers kept it mercifully short (see what I did there >_<)

I'd recommend this movie to people who are tired of cliches...you'll get the joke after you watch it....but you'll kind of like it trust me.

Sammotherfuckingtwo,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

First Product Review: The Sony Cybershot DSC-W530 (I think...)

BEN-TOOOOO

Alright guys so I've been kind of having an all day panic attack today, I'm afraid that all the stupid decisions I made in China are going to catch up to me...and while we're on the subjects all the stupid decisions I've ever made in my life are totally going to catch up to me and I'm going to end up broke, in a box on the street doing the one card trick everybody knows for money and I'll still be a virgin THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN ON ME MAAAAN O_O...so maybe it's best we just drop it and get to the product review, okay guys? I TOLD YOU TO FUCKING DROP IT ^_^

So the Sony Cybershot....alright I'll give you a minute to process how awesome of a name the Cybershot is even if it is just for the fact that it sounds like an attack from Digimon...or Beyblades...and early Yugioh...alright processed?...okay one more minute...good now let's get to it:

For $120 Canadian at Best Buy:

Battery Life:
This was huge to me because my previous camera ate up batteries like a mother fucker, and it wasn't rechargeable. I set out to find a camera with a lithium sort of battery and that's exactly what the cybershot provided, it gets better in my 25 or so days I spent in China I only charged it once...maybe twice MAX that's with low to moderate usage (leaning more towards moderate because I ended up with 560 pictures...)

Picture Quality: It's actually really good. You can't really zoom in once it's on the computer, but the overall quality of the picture is fantastic and was able to take landscape shots on the top of the mountains better then I imagined it could. And while you think certain details are being missed on the camera (such as a setting sun on a misty day) once you put it onto the computer you find those details to be there (at least of what I experienced)

I took this picture at the start of the Great Wall called the Dragon's Head (btw there is no actual dragon's head there...I was disappointed to...) look at it....LOOK AT IT O_O

Performance:
Here's where the camera fell a bit, I found it was really slow, like it could take pictures fast but their would be a pause to then load that picture onto the screen and take it off in order to take another pictures, this made the burst mode necessary in some instances where I needed to take action shots, and sometimes made taking people pictures awkward, I also noticed that sometimes the pictures would seem blurred I'm sure that was from my hand moving but I think most digital camera don't blur that much, it also couldn't take pictures of giant tv screens in the airport...I don't know if thats important or not but I felt it needed to be said...Sometimes I felt that it took two or three tries just to get a picture focused and when I got home I found some of the pictures I took did turn out a little blurry without me even noticing it at the time (so I guess that could have been an Asaya problem rather then a Cybershot problem)

External:
With a very sleek look it gives off the impression of an expensive camera without the price tag (can you believe Sony isn't paying me for this?) the weight was also lighter and more compact than the other cameras I've had. The only real problem with the outside appearance isn't even part of the camera itself but with its cord it connected the vga cord (or whatever the red, yellow, and white cable that connects to the tv is called) the microusb, and the regular usb into on giant cord that couldn't fit into a small camera bag like the one I had so it wasn't ideal for travelling regardless though I felt it was a minor issue and ended up transferring all the pictures when I got back from China anyways which was a simple process of connecting going into the DCIM folder and copying the pictures (maybe there was a program to do that I don't know but thats what I do with all my cameras...and it works)

And that's it in the long run a very, very worth while buy and if you've been betrayed by digital cameras a lot over the past decade I definitely recommend it for a budget under $200 because this camera is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down (most of the time), never gonna run around, and dessert you, never gonna make you cry, never gonna say good bye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

Coco Break,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

China: The After Word

So guys I promised a comprehensive day by day review of China when I get back, that's gonna be the second time because of this trip I've learned not to shoot my mouth off because I can't do that. Because I went under an organizations name I won't be able to write about my experiences for the most part due to it possibly damaging the name of that organization, or rather I could write about it with permission but it would be so plain and unfunny that I simply refuse to put it up (granted though this blog might be plain and unfunny already BUT I'M TRYING DAMMIT)

So I sincerely apologize for this disappointment. BUT not all is bad the trip turned out pretty good, the training was meh...thats right meh after 4 years of training in Martial Arts I feel that a few hours here and there won't help me out significantly BUT I didn't go on this trip for the training...I went for the culture ^_^ just to talk, shop, argue, yell at, and eat with the Chinese people was great, I learned a lot about their mentality and much about my own. I can at least tell you a couple of lessons I learned whilst there:

1. Bring your own deodorant because it took me forever to find even just one can...usually I use the roll on but I settled after 20 days of searching on the fucking spray thinking I could use it for the final 7 or so days until I realized we had to board a plane in three days so I had to throw it out...IT WAS 60 YUAN DAMMIT THATS $10 FUCKING DOLLARS CANADIAN

2. Make SURE you know who your roommate is...I mean really is I just chose the quiet guy that seemed nice and it ended up with him being a total douche, or rather a half douche, he'd let the other guys in to my room so they could prank me (this ended with me being extremely paranoid while going to bed of people trying to shave my head...no one did but I did find my shoes in the chandelier at one point which royally pissed me off but I let it slide...because there was 1 night left) He would also say douchey cliches at the worst possible moment like "It is what it is", "It's all relative", and my personal worst for him while we we're waiting for one final bag that took to long at baggage claim "It'll come out when it needs to come out" SHUT THE FUCK UP

3. Don't go to China with depression thinking you'll all of a sudden be cured...that shit will catch up with you. And then your roommate will say dicky things to exasperated your depression like "It is what it is." SHUT THE FUCK UP

4. If you've seen one ancient Buddhist Temple you've seen them all...TRUST ME it's exactly like visiting all the big Churches in Montreal, you think the first one is cool if your in to that kind of thing and the other 1500 are just repeats of what you saw in the first one

5. You know how you can scarf down 2 big macs in Canada or the States and still be hungry no problem? DON'T FUCKING TRY IT IN CHINA THEIR FAST FOOD WILL KILL YOU...AND YOU WILL BE ON THE TOILET WHILE YOU DIE. You'll eat one and you'll say oh okay I can have another STOP...IN THE NAME OF LOVE wait a minimum of 7-10 minutes WAIT YOU FAT BASTARD...and then make a decision...you have been warned

6. I don't recommend travelling with a big group like I did. I travelled with 20 people and while by the end of it they became like family to me emotions do run high and when you see such beautiful sights such as the Yellow Mountains (which I do recommend) you look over beside you and wish you we're with someone you loved instead of this seemingly random individual. Also travelling with an itinerary really sucks and I hated doing it even though we got to see a lot of cool places I wish I had time to just relax in some of the places like Taiyuan where we only spent one night.

7. The food was actually pretty good about 70% of the time don't listen to what anybody says about it unless they've physically been in China, just before my trip I heard from three different people, three different things  "Don't eat the meat", "don't eat the vegetables", "don't eat the fish"...that leaves nothing...-_-

8. You know how everybody says wifi in China is everywhere and the internet is so fast....total bullshit....TOTAL BULLSHIT

9. Dear God I hope I don't have any sort of disease now that I drank the ice there...there water situation is actually that bad, most of the time they'd serve 2.5% beer for it's antibacterial effects at the dinner table instead of water, and they NEVER served cold water.

10. I'm so happy to be back in Canada. I loved China but I couldn't take another day there just between you and me (and the internets). It is a first world country stuck in a third world mentality in my opinion and you really have to get used to it before you can start enjoying it but it's always good to be back in Canada even if it's just for the plain and simple fact that the water can't kill you, you can identify what your eating, or you don't get stopped by street vendors while your moving.

Which brings me to the list of Chinese words I had to learn to survive:
Mayo: No
Booyo: Get the hell away from me
Sheshe: Thank you
Ni How: Hello
Bookushi: Your Welcome (I think?)
... that's it...mainly what we used to communicate was the noble game of charades, and by the end of it I got smart and started drawing to communicate but that skill came in too late to be used.

In the end people ask me was it worth it, and I can't answer because I don't know what the lessons that we're taught to me over there are going to do for me here, the memories were alright, the food was alright, nothing particularly stood out and made me so OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS COUNTRY but who knows how I'll feel one year from now, but so far I think I'm gonna have to answer no.

And oh that reminds me about that first kiss goal I had let me think....I FUCKING DID IT YATTAAAAAAAAA *plays "All I Do Is Win"* Thanks to everyone that helped me reach this goal ^_^

Is The Jade Fucking Real or Not,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

China Day 0

Well it's almost the big day till I fly off to a far away land to a world where monsters rule (monsters rule) by far away land I mean China....I'll be leaving on the 2nd of November for 27 days). I have to be honest I'm scared....not of terrorists, or any of that jazz no no just of good old airport security, you see I haven't been on a plan since I was 7 (I'm 19 now) and after September 11, air travelling has gotten to be a bitch for someone of my skin colour...you see my nationality is...Egyptian *GA-GA-GASP* and even whilst I sport a crucifix on my neck, I can't help but give off a terroristy aura

Please tell me you saw this joke coming....

...for anybody working in airport security I'M NOT A TERRORIST I'M SEVERELY AFRAID OF HEIGHTS THE LAST THING I WANT TO HAPPEN IS THAT PLANE TO FALL PLEASE DON'T SUSPECT ME now that we've gotten the disclaimer out of the way...home land security is at my door so I have to go get that brb...

C'mon guys can't we talk this out...no...*sigh* alright I'll spread my cheeks

You know it's funny I've always wanted adventure (like a DIGIDESTINED YA!) and to travel and all that but I'm scared out of my fucking mind, maybe it's cause I'm gonna be with my whole Dojo so it's a bit intimidating I'd rather go with a small group of my closest friends (me and my cat?) but whatever I'll manage the part you guys have to know is that I won't be able to update my blog for the time I'm there you see China has blocked facebook and youtube and apparently the government tracks communications (apparently) so I wouldn't be able to write this blog honestly with someone looking over my shoulder so I'll try to write in as documents, and I'll update this when I get back with plenty of landscape photos (cause I can't have people in my photos cause they made me sign something -_-....not the Chinese government btw)

There's only 7 of them...I'M TRAVELING WITH 21 PEOPLE

Hmm maybe it's because of some of the pain in the ass rules that we have "no check in baggage" do you know what the requirement for a carry on is in Canada in terms of weight? 22 pounds that's not bad...you know what it is in a domestic flight to China....11 pounds WHAT THE FUCK HOW IN THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO CARRY A MONTH WORTH OF SUPPLIES IN JUST 11 FUCKING POUNDS I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THE 4TH DIMENSIONAL POCKET PACKAGE WHEN I BOUGHT MY FUCKING BAG....I'VE TAKEN SHITS THAT WE'RE BIGGER THAN 11 POUNDS THIS IS BULLSHIT...to give you an idea of how small 11 pounds is...you know how in Monster Ranchers the kid went into the Monster World with just his roller blades (or something like that) well if I pack my roller blades and only my roller blades I GO 15 POUNDS OVER THE LIMIT THIS IS BULLSHIT...I'm currently weighing the bag in at 17 pounds without a bunch of shit that I didn't have at the time of the mock packing....FUCK...it's gonna be like the Biggest Loser only with more tears...I'm gonna have so much booze in China just to forget the fact that I'm standing there in the nude because I couldn't pack any clothes

He's also on the trip....

But also I bought a new camera (because my old one broke more than a year ago...fuck you Olympus) it's a Sony Cybershot and I'll be doing my first product review on it!...am I going to get sued? OH WELL ^_^

It's going to be like Pokemon Snap except without the pokemon!....T_T

Maybe I'm going into this trip with a negative attitude but we'll see how it turns out my main goal is to get my first kiss whilst in China...and return home in on piece...and not die...but seriously this kiss thing is important to me (and fuck you guys for laughing at it this is a noble quest for lo-li-slight physical attraction...AND SLIGHT PHYSICAL ATTRACTION IS WHAT I'LL GET) I don't know how I'm gonna go about it I'm still to much of a chicken shit to hit on women but I'll find a way (sexual harassment laws are considerably lower in China....SCORE!!!...am I going to be sued?)

"COME AT ME BRO!"

Alright we'll that's it I think wish me luck and if you see a little Egyptian boy in China on the news...thats me ^_^ Good bye for now.

Wanna be the biggest dreamer something something something ala something something something something takamikanooooooo,

Asaya HelwaEhwee

BEN-TO!

BEN-TOOOOO!

By far the most epic anime of the season (that's right including Fate/Zero sorry Saber your a close second). Winning the title in just 2 episodes. It's about a school...and in that school there's a rule, and within that rule there is a subsection, and within that subsection it is stated that students living on the residence  will get free breakfast but not lunch or dinner, AND WITHIN THAT SUBSECTION THERE'S THE GREAT AND WONDROUS CAUSALITY THAT IS THE BENTO WARS.

BEN-TOOOOO!

Let me elaborate, because the students can't afford their dinner every night when the bento goes down to half price vicious all out no holds barred brawls break out....BEN-TOOOOOO! Led by rules and honour these students hold onto their pride and appetites whilst they fight for the ultimate prize....half priced ben-to....

BEN-TOOOOOO!!!!

Now I know what your thinking "Just another stupid action anime" and your WRONG it's an awesome action anime riddled with tasteful bouts of ecchi and actually good comedy which sooo unlike the shitty comedy of every other shitty comedy anime that was recommended to me by my idiot friends (with the exception of Cromartie High and School Rumble), and tops the action of C The Money of Soul and Possibility of Control, and doesn't depend on the ecchi to ensure it doesn't get cancelled before it's fourth episode launch like Infinite Stratos, and best of all it's not clinically depressed like Evangelion or Elfen Lied.

BEN-T-oh wait that's Ben 10

After having watched three episodes it's only hinting at a major plot but I'm not sure how their going to work that in or if I even want them to I'm perfectly content on contemplating on the awesomeness of half priced ben-to....and will do so with great diligence....BEN-TOOOOOOO!!!!!

BUNNY BLAST,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

Boku wa Tomodachi ga Sukanai

Hey Sam! remember that time when you we're a hopelessly lonely guy and all of a sudden you we're surrounded by beautiful women....me neither :D

Alright I'm back after my latest freak out, truth be told it's not really over but we're going to pretend like it is so my China trip blog posts will have a positive note too them alright?....ALRIGHT?! O____O......good ^_O

(also in light of writing something controversial I expected to receive my first comment on this blog but I have not...well played viewers...well played)

So staying on the theme of loneliness that seems to be going around lately (if you don't believe me watch the news and look at all the weirder than usual shit that's been happening lately) I'll be reviewing the new anime "Boku wa Tomodachi ga Sukanai" which roughly translates too "I Don't Have Any Friends" which roughly translates too "Oh wow this hits close to home"

The title speaking, for itself, is about a bunch of misfits finding each other and becoming friends or rather...forming a symbiotic relationship (of course I haven't reached the end yet where one of the misfits gets a girlfriend and leaves all the other misfits behind especially the one misfit that's helped him out through all his most troubled times FUCK YOU YOU MOTHERFUCKER...I mean...congratulations ^_^)

It is actually quite accurate in it's portrayal of the lonely life, and I'm glad to see an anime finally show this...only took around 50 years too get to this plot line.  All the classic signs are their talking to yourself, appearing frightening to everyone around you, and wishing you could find someone that would take you away from your shitty life and...and...OHHHHHH GOD WHYYYYY T_______________T

It's good that this anime came now cause in case I didn't tell you guys I recently accepted my offer of admittance to a new university and after the complete disaster that the last one brought upon me...I'm fucking terrified of trying this shit again and this is even worse the last uni had only 80 people in my entire program...this new one will have more than 3000...if I fuck up with all of them their will be no hope for me O_O they'll have to make a whole new Star Wars movie where Luke Skywalker dies in the first 10 minutes and the rest of the movie is everyone going "....FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

But back to the animeI hope this doesn't turn out like another Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya where they go through nonsensical adventures without ever really going to the fact that the entire anime is about a group of people that desperately need help, no no I hope this anime is a comedy drama (even though I've talked shit about such genres before) I hope there's pain.. and after that pain is done there will be more pain....and then more pain...and then laughter...BUT AFTER THAT MORE PAIN BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE NEED TO GET OVER THIS SHIT WE NEED TO GET DOWN IN THE DUMPS AND HIT ROCK BOTTOM BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY WE'LL EVER MOVE FORWARD O_O

But having watched the first two episodes of this anime doesn't look like it's going to suck but that's just one of the very long line of awesome animes coming out this season including but not limited too Fate/Zero, Bakuman 2, and No. 6, my only problem is that it's a harem and thus cheapens the whole concept...but granted if it wasn't a harem it would turn out like the Genshiken anime...and no one wants that again O_O

It Doesn't Look So Sad Written in Calligraphy,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

Bridesmaids -_-

....I watched this upon recommendation of a friend...he is no longer my friend...he is now demoted to acquaintance status AND I'M ONLY AN HOUR AND FIFTEEN MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE WHO KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN AFTER THE FULL TWO HOURS.

The only thing worse than this PIECE OF SHIT is THE HOLOCAUST...and who knows what will happen after the full two hours.

I cannot express to you how glad I am that I didn't spend a dime on this movie even the bandwidth I spent on downloading doesn't matter because I'm just about to enter into a new bandwidth cycle so those gigs would have gone unused anyways...I'm serious I cannot express to you how much this movie sucks that son of a BITCH that recommended this to me said it was funnier than Hangover...FUNNIER THAN HANGOVER...now I'm recommending that he gets "special needs" written on his ID cards.

This just proves my point that Hollywood will pump out any shit that comes along there way...next time your in town just give a film producer a script filled with racial slurs and in the front write "a true story of inspiration and perspiration" and instant success. The sad part is this is one of the few original ideas they've gotten for a long time and it could have been really funny but nooo they filled it with all sorts of feminine sex jokes HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THE ONLY FUCKING PEOPLE THAT FIND THOSE SHITTY JOKES FUNNY ARE LESBIANS....and even then it's only the really butch ones

"oh we have sex constantly but he hasn't kissed me in 5 years" THATS BECAUSE YOU LOOK HOMICIDAL remove the murderous grin from your face and maybe he'll give you a peck or two...

At precisely 32 minutes before the movie ends the main bitch says "I'd rather get murdered out here than spend the next half hour with you" and I thought...wow this screen writer really knows how the audience is feeling

But I guess I should get to the plot of this horrible disgrace for an anything...some girl gets engaged main bitch gets jealous and ruins her own life forever...and at some point a fat chick shits in a sink (which btw was the highlight of the fucking movie)...if it wasn't for that fat chick I would find the name of that screen writer...make a voodoo doll out of him and then find him and SHOVE IT DOWN HIS THROAT so the voodoo doll finds it's way into his stomach and he would DIE BY BURNING IN HIS OWN STOMACH ACID

The only other acceptable part of this HORRIBLE WASTE OF TIME, SPACE, AND WHATEVER OTHER LIMITED RESOURCES I CAN FIT INTO THIS UNNECESSARY SENTENCE is the cop dude who's sweet and awesome and reminds me of me when I'm not cynical but then the main bitch BREAKS HIS FUCKING HEART and reminds me why I became cynical in the first place MOTHER FUCK HER THEN SHE HAS THE BALLS TO GO AND APOLOGIZE WELL FUCK YOU...YOU AND YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR MOTHERS MOTHER AND ALL OTHER MOTHERS THAT ARE IN YOUR FAMILY TREE

(also I would just like to say fuck the OPSEU you sons of bitches get off the picket line and get back to your fucking easy as shit jobs and mail my transcripts to my university of choice....that is all)

Now excuse me while I continue to rewatch season 6 of How I Met Your Mother because I can't afford Prozac.

Kick it [pelvic thrusts],
Asaya HelwaEhwee

Fright Night and Clearing an Ipod And a Little Bit of Everything

So I watched Fright Night...movie sucked don't watch it, I heard it was a remake and maybe that explains the amount of utter garbage in this movie. Once again proving that the comedy-horror genre doesn't work IF YOUR LAUGHING AND SCARED AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU, that's all I have to say about that

Now I recently got an Ipod Touch (because my mother got an Iphone 4 so she gave me back the Ipod touch I gave her for her birthday, just in time too because my Ipod Video's scrolling centre button thingy had just died from playing too much solitaire....damn you solitaire...DAMMMMNNN YOOUUUU) so this changed my 60 GB Ipod into a 8 GB Ipod in one fell swoop. Needless to say I had so a major amount of shit too delete that it was literally unbelievable, the amount of absolute bs I've downloaded onto my Ipod simply cause I thought it was funny, or had one good 30 second part in it. You have no idea how much emo bullshit you've downloaded when you we're 13 years old that you've totally forgot about. I recommend everyone try to lower their old iPods down to 8 gigs or less simply to save computer space and for a trip down memory lane T_T.

Guys as you probably know by now I write these articles over several days (mainly because I don't have the attention span to keep writing) so on this night I'm up late due to my freaking myself out...yes that's right I freaked MYSELF out. What happened was I was googling "Jill the Ripper" cause I think it's really interesting to think that particular murderer is a woman, and I stumbled upon a picture of Mary Pearcey (DON'T FUCKING GOOGLE 'MARY PEARCEY' IF YOUR READING THIS AT 2 AM BAD IDEA) I saw the picture of this chick and my balls shrivelled up INTO my body. I have no idea what the fuck is up with that picture but it is by far the most bone chilling picture I have ever seen in my life, then like an idiot I kept reading shit about her and I found out when she was being questioned about a murder, she chanted "Killing mice, killing mice, killing mice!" and I don't know about you but I imagined that very vividly like a scene out of the Exorcism of Emily Rose and now my balls are no longer just in my body but have shrivelled up continuing up to just before my throat. I swear if I ever saw this chick (yes I do realize she's long dead but I'm saying IF) I wouldn't fight, I wouldn't run, I wouldn't scream, I would just sit in place and cry JUST FUCKING CRY

So I'm reading a short manga titled "Here I am!" It's about Olympic level Marco Polo championships (the death rate is 1 in 5)...NAHHH I'm just kidding but I do look forward to the creation of that manga (suggested title: "Marco Polo GX"). It's about a junior high girl just wanting to be noticed, and she finally does. Now I realize that this is some soft emo bullshit you read when your in grade 5 to make yourself feel like your not alone, but I'm reading it anyways and it's not turned out so bad so far (granted the fact that it's 19 chapters helps out with that)

Fuck that Mother Fucking Water Temple Son Of A BITCH I DIED AGAIN,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

A Day in the Life of a Man Disguised as a Stockboy

...
...
The best way to describe this is....have you ever been fucked in the ass so hard that the next day you actually believed yourself to be Da Vinci?...well me neither...why the fuck did you even bring it up?

No no that's not what being a stockboy is like, being a stockboy is kind of like being a prostitute...in that you know you could do better...but you settle for this ugly mother fucker in front of you because he's paying you. I'm very serious I'm a cocky bastard...that thinks he's really intelligent...mainly because I am...and to take orders from people this far beneath me has made me value an education even more then before. My boss once told me "I put everything I have into our department" I almost blurted out : "OHHH YOUR THE LIFE OF BAD DECISIONS I'M SO AFRAID OF...sorry for your loss...of life and opportunity..."

There is nothing quite like actually being told that your job has value when...stocking shelves clearly doesn't.
Boss: "ASAYA YOU MUST DO THIS PROPERLY OR THE ENTIRE COMPANY WILL GO BANKRUPT"
Asaya: "Really...a multi...billion...dollar company will go bankrupt because the english side of the ketchup bottle is not facing directly out towards them? is the customer going to go 'OH MY GOODNESS THE LABELS IN FRENCH HOW WILL I EVER KNOW WHAT THIS BOTTLE CONTAINS?! IS IT CYANIDE?! BLSHWHOWOWHFOWH' *note: blshwhowowhfowh is actually Canadian customer jargon for "Wow my home team lost in hockey...time to start a riot that'll cost taxpayers millions during a giant fucking recession"*"

I honestly don't know why the fuck I'm still there....China's paid for...and the "experience" I'm getting is quite limited...and fucking useless oh I can't wait for law school applications "so you've worked at this grocery store for the past 4 years....get the fuck out..."...I think at this point I'm staying just for the opportunity to argue with people from a culture that isn't my own because if you haven't noticed arguing is very different between different cultures...there are different...rules of engagement let's say...and the accent fucking gets to you, I don't know what it's like down in the States but here in Canada a lot of people still have their accents and it fucks you up in the middle of an argument...so you kinda have to practice on everybody to be fully prepared (ohhh I have a feeling nobody is going to understand shit all that I'm talking about)

(side note: you ever see lawyer commercials where the person name has his degrees beside it like: "Monkey D. Luffy, B.A, J.D, Esq." you know what that Esq. stands for...ESQUIRE AS IN ONE STEP ABOVE GENTLEMEN, ONE STEP BELOW KNIGHT FROM MEDIEVAL ENGLAND...WHAT A DOUCHE....I might do that after I pass the bar...)

(side note that Christina Perri is much cuter then that Katy Perry I don't know what you guys are talking about I don't give a shit how many girls Katy has kissed she can't be cuter then this chick)

But getting back to my bullshit job...it's fucking bullshit man...I understand that any part time job sucks but I think working at a grocery store must suck most of all because there's so much useless shit that can go wrong...and old man stepped on a grape ONE GRAPE beside me and slipped and ALMOST fell and he was complaining about almost breaking his neck I almost said "dude your so old you we're going to die sometime before the end of the week anyways what difference does it make whether it's today or tomorrow?"...and that's why I keep almost getting fired

Unavoidable Battle,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

The Source Code (2011)

Yea yea I know I haven't done anything anime in awhile...if it makes you feel better "Cromartie High" is pretty funny go watch that

Now I should like to mention that Source Code reminded me a lot of Assassin's Creed...and by reminded me a lot I mean there were direct elements lifted straight off the game into this movie (I'm talking of course about the first Assassin's Creed) think about it Colter (Jake Gylhoweverthefuckyouspellhislastname) gets kidnapped, forced to use a machine that allows him to experience the reality of a different person from the past, first person he sees is some strange, professional, unattractive woman, and the leader of the entire fucking project (in which there trying to find some lost secret) is some creepy old guy (except to throw you off they turned the old guy into a black guy and gave him a crutch OHHH YOUR PLAGIARISM IS DISGUISED NOW) in fact I kept excepting Colter to pull out his hidden blade and stab a mother fucker...but the closest he got was pestering and assaulting random characters that kept bothering him (told you it was like the game!)

It was however a pretty good movie with some elements of heart mixed in there, the worst part about it was Christina (the chick from Gilmore Girls) wouldn't shut the fuck up

Christina: I took your advice it was really goo-
Colter: OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS SHUT THE FUCK UP DON'T YOU FUCKING REALIZE THIS TRAIN IS GOING TO BLOW UP IN THE NEXT 8 FUCKING MINUTES...FOR THE THIRD FUCKING TIME...I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF FUCKING ADVICE I FUCKING GAVE YOU BUT IT CAN'T HAVE BEEN THAT FUCKING GOOD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE *runs away crying*

It adds a slightly interesting twist that I won't spoil here but it does make you go wtf? (note: it won't make you go WTF?!...just wtf?...just thought I should say that)

In the end pretty good movie, I'd watch it again, nothing very special, wouldn't watch it more then twice

Cotton Eye Joe,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

Transformers 3 and Welcome To The Rileys AND Evangelion (and not necessarily in that order) and some other movies to

Evangelion:
So I just finished watching the Evangelion movies(oi I'll be talking about these in spoilers cause I assume everybody else has either watched them or doesn't give a shit)...the old ones, and besides the first three episodes and a couple of wiki articles I've had no other exposure to Eva....yea thats right >_<, so now I've technically completed the series by watching these movies and I finally figured it out, it's a heart warming coming of age story, which results in the entire fucking world ending (proing when the Japanese want to do something, they do it BIG). But yea I get it it's pretty much an anime version of Catcher in the Rye where a young boy feels teen angst and confusion and hates the world but at the same time loves the world, he's horny as hell but to scared to act on it, and it ends with "oh everything is going to be alright but I still feel like shit for now" (granted I never read the end of Catcher in the Rye so that last part could be...sketchy?) and to be quite honest if I was still a prepubescent boy I'd be touched...and this anime would really speak to me...but at the age of 18 all it did was give me a bad taste in my mouth cause THE FUCKING WORLD ENDED and then Shinji went through all the trouble of BRINGING IT BACK TO FUCKING LIFE only to say "I feel terrible..." at the end broke my fucking heart a little bit and sent me back to that prepubescent mind set for just a little while...so what I'm trying to say is it's not that bad...but I'll never fucking watch it again
*update so apparently Asuka is the one that says "I feel terrible" or "I feel sick" or "How disgusting" at the end...how that got away from me and what the fuck it means I have no idea...personally I think it would have been so much more meaningful if Shinji said I feel terrible but fine whatever YOU GUYS (Youg uys being creators of Evangelion) ALWAYS UNDERMINE ME AND I'M SICK OF IT GOD!....GOD!*

Transformers 3:
So as I watched this it was pretty cool...2 fucking hours long but cool none the less, their was plenty of action, a hot chick to stare at during all the scenes without explosions, and I thought Michael Bay finally managed to avoid all the racial slurs....until the last 20 minutes of the movie -_-. Now coming back to this hot chick she's much better than Meagan Fox....almost just as stupid...but waaaay hotter, my biggest problem is that there was more plastic in her than....Mr.Potato Head? So what I'm trying to say is it's not that bad...but I'll never fucking watch it again

Welcome to the Rileys:
So I thought this was going to be about a heroin addict girl that finds substitute parents....no no it's about a prostitute girl that finds substitute parents...which makes the plot SUCK but you get a nice ass shot from Kristen Stewart, and the acting ain't bad so what I'm trying to say is it's not that bad...but I'll never fucking watch it again

Insidious:
Holy shit this movie sucked, without decent plot, acting, visuals, or scares it gives a man the impression that they will literally produce any movie idea now. The director of Paranormal Activity fails to make yet another scary movie, I mean this movie is so unscary that those "Mindfuck: When you see it you'll shit bricks" pictures provided better thrills, fuck this guy, half way through I had to check the directors name to make sure it wasn't an anagram for Tite Kubo. In short the movie was advertised and could have been so much more if a couple of people would have just pulled there heads out of their asses but that's to much to ask now a days...I'm fucking serious there's a guy in the movie with a red faced dressed pretty weird I had to ask if that was Lady Gaga.

Horrible Bosses:
....pretty good actually...

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf (1966):

We'll we've finally done it...we've finally reviewed a movie...40 years too late...yes I know nobody gives a shit about it but dammit I'll write it anyways. So this movie involves 5 actors....THAT ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO FUCKING ACT...but one only gets like 1 line so it really only involves 4 actors...THAT ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO FUCKING ACT...and there's no real action in it it's just mainly arguing between the old couple (who in my opinion the woman is clearly the problem) and this leads to arguing between the young couple...and then they start swingin'....no no I'm kidding they don't swing...much ^_~...but yea it's generally a kind of depressing movie cause this old couples life sucks and it looks like the young couples life is gonna suck for the exact same reasons....but at least I was never bored through a two hour movie so SUCCESS...but I'll never watch it again

P.S I Love You:
Yea I watched it...and it was pretty fucking good too, it provided a nice romantic change from the bullshit we call reality in where we go on chat roulette in the middle of the fucking night to look for tits because we're too cheap to pay for the live porn cams and it's just a nice fucking change that's all...now if only that bitch didn't take Gerard Butler's character for granted maybe he wouldn't have gotten arrowed by a bunch of Persians and he wouldn't have had to go through all the trouble of writing all those letters but anyways thats not the point. The point is like one random loser in the movie said "I wish I could be somebodies Jerry" but you know what women don't want Jerry they want Ben...and Ben is a fucking dick I hate Ben...if I ever find Ben I'm going to beat him to death using Tite Kubo as a battering ram like Genji: Dawn of Blade or something...fucking women always want the things they don't really want...but yea dude it was a totally good movie I'd watch it again

Chi, Pon, Ron, Head bump
Asaya HelwaEhwee

Lame Mahjong Puns (or PONS XDDD)

As you guys know I've been playing a lot of mahjong and by a lot of mahjong I mean more I'm fucking addicted to mahjong and in those long waits for somebody to drop a remotely useful tile I've come up with a few key observations I'm sure somebody here would like to hear (speaking of people here we now have more then 100 views on the Hanasaku Iroha post, I am baffled and pleasantly surprised, what did it for you guys the Filipino racial slur?)

So getting to the point mahjong is much like love...in that you can give a chick all your cookies but she'll still be GON in the morning XDDD

Mahjong also relates to life...in that you'll do all you KAN to stay safe but in the end one wrong decision and all of a sudden your left without any money...or pants

Mahjong relates to strategy...in that if your too set in your ways your more than likely going to lose...so don't get CHIky with me

Mahjong relates to good virtues...in that you have to hope that you'll get your winning tile TSUN

Mahjong relates to politics...in that if you cheat and get caught you have to step down...or be killed (I have a feeling nobody got that one except for me)

Mahjong relates to puberty...in that your often confused and have don't know what to do

Mahjong relates to masturbation...in that...they both involve hands LOL

And with that last disgrace of a joke I'm gonna end this post

Objection!,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

[C] The Money of Soul and Possibility of Really Long Titles Series Review

...I remember writing a blog post about this...didn't I...didn't I?! (oh and just to let you know if you search up the words "fucking job hunt" in google under the blogs category Elbow to the Face...is the number one hit WE DID IT YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

I USED THIS PICTURE I REMEMBER

Yea remember I wrote about how it was so great and symbolic and blah blah blah...was it so shitty that it committed suicide? Well anyways you guys aren't gonna believe this but I did finish the series so I guess I'll combined both articles (oh if you thought the first one was shitty...)

So it's kinda like Digimon except the battles involve gambling where if you lose all your money...you lose all your future (just like real life =D)...that is all you need to know

Initially I thought this series was about the economy and how desperate people we're for money...I was since proven wrong (yes again...) this is about the authors struggle with money not in the literal sense so much as the philosophical sense. I found this happened after first year university too, you begin to only think about money, the very habit that you despised as a child in the adults that surrounded you is now becoming yours, and you know very well that you're falling into that same trap yet you can't pull yourself out because if you don't think about this stuff how are you going to live in the future, and thus begins the dechildification...life sucks...after all you don't want to be that 60 year old working as the convenience store cashier that you see all the time, or that grumpy old bus driver that you can't help but feel sorry for because you know exactly why he's in a crap mood, and following these thoughts the world begins to look a little more grim....either that or he really liked Digimon...

U Mad?

So at times this anime was painful to watch, not because of the horrible memories it brings up more because it has endless episodes of just talking, the arts kinda weird at some places (lets just say their will never be a doujin about this if thats what you we're looking for Infinite Stratos would be the better option....oh so much better T_T), but certain episodes do really catch your attention and you find that half hour is gone before you even realized it. It's kinda like watching the Biggest Loser in that you want to stop watching but you can't because if you don't make a fucking blog post about it your blog will fall to C and you will lose your future...I mean because it's so captivating....

By the last three episodes it gets really confusing, everything just kind of collapses in on itself and there is no real bad guy (which I guess is the sign of a good anime), and you start to question the actions of every character cause really....there is no good way to handle financial crisis except by causing another financial crisis...apparently

I guess looking back on it the anime wasn't that good like I initially thought but it was interesting and meaningful to say the least unlike Infinite Stratos XD, the best thing about it is I could never really tell where the plot was going and that was always my biggest problem with anime so it succeeded in that way at least, and if need be: it would make a pretty good video game or card game series NOT based off the anime

(Nows a good time to mention does Gilbert Gottfried remind anybody else of Tobi from Naruto?!)

After watching the last episode you find the anime was both remarkable yet unremarkable, worth while yet not worth while, and so in short it was average and I hope to God they don't make a second season, the title should have bee called [C] The Money of Soul and Possibility of Not Giving a Shit After the Third Episode

Did you ever wish you could sometimes freeze frame a moment in your day, look at it and say "this is not my life"?,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

Boxxy: The Hunt For The Missing Snitch!

So Catie Wayne has finally made a new Boxxy video AS Boxxy the results were...interesting to say the least...(and speaking of interesting...I GOT A FUCKING JOB YESSSS (8) WEEEE ARE THE CHAMPIOOOONS MY FRIEEEEEEND....(8))

So as you all know the second last video featured Catie as Svetlana claiming to have hacked the account "ANewHopeee" and many lulz were had (and by many I mean none) so now she's finally followed it up by making a whole new account "bodaciousboxxy" sending Svetlana a message asking her to be friends, and telling her that "ANewHopeee" is not her account, and claiming to want "Boxxybabee" back but unable to at the moment

The new video has the same characteristics of the old ones, changed accent from the previous, similar mannerisms, darkened background, "okay HII", same make up style, etc..(and by etc I mean some recycled jokes...but hey who can blame her XD)

So during the video Boxxy mentioned that Catie wasn't her, so now what's going to happen is Catie is effectively taken out of the picture so Sevtlana will continue to have ANewHopeee while commandeering "boxxybabee" which will entice a war between Svetlana and Boxxy (As Katt Williams so eloquently put it "looks like she going to break up with her mother fucking self") I certainly hope it's an entertaining war because it hasn't gotten off to a very good start, even the newest Boxxy video was missing a little spice that it used to have but that's to be expected it'll take some time before Catie re-finds Boxxy completely, it seems to me that she was rushed into this video considering it was only 3 minutes

So in short these videos are about a sweet girl on her journey to finding herself...through a schizophrenic youtube war...which is arguably the best way of finding ones self (and I'm willing to bet that Gaddafi gets involved in this somehow)

"OKAY Khiii my name is Boxxy and in light of recent events I felt it was time to HIRE MERCENARIES AND KILL ALL MY PEOPLE O_O"

Edit: After having watched the video three more times over, I have been mesmerized I'm now convinced that this is the old Boxxy like back in her prime Catie Wayne has found her character again, just the initial shock of seeing a renewed Boxxy caused something of a backlash...or rather a Boxlash @_@

You're Being the Silly Sammy,

Asaya HelwaEhwee

Blogger's Review of a Blogger's Life (6 months Later)

You know it's come to my attention that no one is reading these posts no more...mainly because the last couple (i.e. last 10-15) we're pretty crappy, but no matter I will continue writing these posts because I know someday, somehow, someone will find this shit funny...that is my blogger way...BELIEVE IT...OR DON'T...BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHT OF FREEDOM OF RELIGION AND THUS FREEDOM OF BELIEFS AND IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO BELIEVE IT I CAN'T REALLY DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT

So it's been 6 months since I started blogging and some interesting results have come up, first I'd like to mention that this blog is much more successful then I ever imagined it would be (so as you can tell I imagined very little) I can only hope for more success (because I'm a greedy mother fucker) and that the fans have not left me completely

And on that note I wonder everyday (and by everyday I mean once every two weeks or so) if it was a mistake to post so much serious stuff on the blog or not, I guess if I did lose some regulars (if I had regulars) that's okay there's always more people willing to read (I hope T_T) but also for a much better reason, see I think that this blog has gotten me closer to my true personality than I have ever been before and looking back at some of my old posts I feel happier and feel like I really expressed a part of my self that I was only partially in touch with, since as you guys know I like to see where my thoughts end I I'll continue to write posts even if it's just for that reason of discovering who I really am (obviously I didn't re-read the warning in The Number 23 Review Post)

As for the new found fame...it hasn't really changed me like people will sometimes come up to me on the street and say "hey man...do you know where I can get some good weed" I just smile politely and autograph their $75 hat and walk away I don't really let it get to my head

And the money...let's just say my wallets never been lighter...which relieves the stress off my hips ^_T

In summary the past 6 months have been quite rewarding by just looking at this blog alone, I look forward to writing to you all in the future, thank you for the support thus far

Wa wa wa world ondooo,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

The Number 23 (2007)...2+0+0+7 does not equal 23 -_-

FUCK YOU JIGGLYPUFF...FUCK YOU AND YOUR SHARPIE MARKER

Ah the wonderful world of fake numerology...how you annoy me -_-. See The Number 23 isn't about the number 23 no no...it's about severe paranoia:

In the beginning of the movie the main character Walter Sparrow (I wonder if there's any relation to Captain Jack Sparrow...there just about the same level of crazy) begins to read the book "The Number 23" and it says "All characters are fictitious, if you see any resemblance of these characters to people in your life stop reading immediately" and just like me Walter decided to ignore this warning and continued to read this leads him to become obsessed with the number for about 45 minutes until he realize the book is actually a real life murder mystery that has yet to be solved and then he tries to solve it in order to absolve his own obsession with the number:

What do I mean by obsession? We'll good old Walter begins to see the number everywhere including in the time, in how many pairs of shoes his wife has, and in colours (that fucking right I just said colours this entire movie they we're talking about how pink and red relate to 23 I still don't get where they got these numbers from -_-), this man was so obsessed that he began to get his son obsessed "hey dad remember when we both had near psychotic OCD about a TWO DIGIT NUMBER...good times ^_^", Walter then begins to have visions of murdering his wife (when that starts happening guys....GET HELP DO NOT HOLD THAT SHIT INSIDE), and so on and so forth...you know at one point this mother fucker looked at the time in the middle of the night and it was "11:12" so 11+12=23 I looked at my time at the exact same time it was "2:22" 2+22= TWENTY FUCKING FOUR BITCHES!!! HAHA BEAT THE SYSTEM MOTHER FUCKER (yes that was the single greatest moment of hope in my life for those of you who are asking)

Eventually it reaches a plot twist in the end which makes the whole story kind of meaningless in my opinion, but it turns this plot into a not so heartwarming story *spoiler kinda?* about a man trying to find himself (a lot of you won't get this joke until you watch the movie), like...have you ever asked yourself "who am I?" yea this movie answers with "mother fucker you don't want to know..." but it did manage to catch my attention for an hour and a half and at no point was I dying of boredom so in short the movie was a success for a mystery but not for a horror, go watch it with your paranoid buddies on a quiet Friday night and at the end of it look at each other and say "...well that's something to avoid" nod and go to sleep never to think about the number again 

This Weatherman is predicting a 99% chance of shitstorm and its coming right at ya!,

Asaya HelwaEhwee

Random Thoughts Part 8 (with Special Edition Future Job Hunt Rant)

First I'd like to congratulate Tite Kubo on his 50th volume of Bleach...fuck you Kubo...but seriously if you've been keeping up with Bleach up until chapter 448 at least it's gotten a little bit more interesting I'm really glad to see that, that guy that stabs you...but doesn't really stab you, doesn't just make the stabiee's (or rather the "un-e-STAB-lished" for the politically correct term) as lose their power like I initially expected....but now he just probably has portions of everybody's powers....like Kirby....fuck you Kubo...

Future Job Hunt Rant:

As you guys know I want to be a Martial Arts Instructor (since we're talking Goju-Ryu I'd be a Sensei), but guys I've been thinking and by thinking I mean I'm fucking confused, am I truly passionate about teaching Martial Arts? or is this some sort of detour, this thinking really started to go wild tonight after I talk to another guy that's well on his way to becoming a Sensei:

(See I had no plan to teach children, because I was gonna do an adult only Dojo...no dirty comments please -_-...or you know what at least your fucking commenting, comment away) but this guy also spoke to my Sensei and he wanted to do the same thing but my Sensei (fuck this is gonna get confusing) told him that it was important to teach kids in order to learn the values of the Martial Arts and so on and so forth, point is...I hate children! I can deal with them on a one on one bases just fine but when its a group of the little bastards, do I look like Bill Cosby to you? That got me thinking there are other aspects of all this I don't like, I don't like the enormous amount of stress owning a Dojo seems to cause, I don't like the pretentious douche bags you have to deal with in this business and most of all FUCK YOU KUBO, but if I didn't become a Sensei what would I do?:

As you guys know I'm also planning to go to Law School and become a full time lawyer for a few years...but I wouldn't want to do that permanently...do I even want to do that? I'd have to be with a whole DIFFERENT breeeeed of pretentious douche-bags, and I'd be sitting at a desk all day, and my life would be so boring, see Martial Arts is the only thing I've ever gotten really passionate about but that passion has mainly been eroded, is that something you have to fight with though in order to get back? Is that natural? No matter which job I think about it always ends up sucking in my head, I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean 3 the other day when I fucking said "hmmm pirating might be a good career option" but then I figured that those long days stranded at sea would suck to

It's like that poem by Robert Frost "The Road Not Taken", a lot of people think that poems about going on the road less travelled by other people, but no no it's not about that shit at all when you read it, it's about two roads...both are ordinary roads, their just different (I don't mean the roads are homosexual...), and so the guy takes one of the fucking roads and he ends up going through the entire road...and he said that road was cool, but he said man taking the other road would have been really cool too...and so either way he would have been fucked...and when I read that poem I was like what the fuck that's stupid pick a fucking road you'd be happy with...but now I know...NOW I UNDERSTAND ROBERT FORGIVE ME FOR MY INSOLENCE

But hey maybe I'm overreacting maybe being with the kids will get better as I go along, I tend to overreact...AS I'M FUCKING SURE MOST OF YOU HAVE NOTICED ^oT *eye twitch*, in the end I think I'm gonna stick with being a Sensei and just take it day by day...exactly like an alcoholic -_-, but let's see how this turns out...I'm glad we had this talk *forced smile of doom*

I'm Third Generation Don't Give A Fuck,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

Taking A Shit (And Rubbing It On A Building)

No I didn't but it caught your attention eh? O_O But yes I did take that line from the Peter Chao video I'm a huge fan, Chao if your reading this...please mention me in a video T_T (@everyone else: ITS CALLED SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION)

Now getting back on topic, I just wanted to discuss how a man can no longer take a shit in peace, every time I go to the washroom, EVERY FUCKING TIME someone decides to call my phone, or someone all of a sudden needs help downstairs, do you people time this out? Seriously wtf? Nobody talks to me all fucking day and then I go to take a shit and everyones my biggest fan, I should really take shits more often maybe I'd eventually get a girlfriend.

This is a major problem guys. When a man goes to take a shit thats like mediation for us, it's the one time when all problems of the world seem minuscule, where all our best ideas come from (This is a little known fact but all the greatest men in history took shits, you know Da Vinci?, Winston Churchill?, Katt Williams? All took shits mother fucker hows that for scientific proof that taking shits changes the world), if this time is interrupted for men serious problems arise, you know alcoholism? It's when we take a shit that we realize become an alcoholic is a bad idea, but if some mofo is always interrupting your shit taking that realization never forms and thus producing the undesired ailment.

Alright there ends my rant on the problems in todays society I will end with a quote from my wisest high school teacher
"All the best ideas are begotten, when taking a shit, I don't know why, I guess it's because of all the pushing and the shoving, the blood starts flowing and boom there's an idea"

Nantoko Nare,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

Job Hunt Rant Part Mother Fucking 2

So as you guys know from my first entry in this series I was scammed once already, and here comes scam number 2:

So my mother comes to me with a "job opportunity" with the Church that she was told about by a close friend of mine, Leroy, let me tell you something Leroy's a fucking idiot and so am I for saying yes. The job entailed me doing a manual labour at a Monastery about an hour drive from my house, and since I'm a loser lacking a driver's licence I car pooled with a Priest...which as everyone knows....is never a good idea:

So I'm in the fucking car, and I try to be all polite and chipper you know get the morning off to a good start, the man answers me with "mhm" and "yea" for the first 40 minutes, then he takes the liberty of arguing with me about how Martial Arts is witchcraft or some other bullshit like that...now I have had this conversation before with other like minded retards but I haven't had a philosophical discussion in awhile so I was like fine I'll take it, so I beat him in the first 15 minutes as per usual, and as per usual they then spend another hour and a half stalling trying to win the argument to know avail

He decides to pull out the good old "I rely on a Higher Power to protect me and if I die then that's okay" which is a contradictory sentence but I let it go because there's no point in arguing against it with a fool so I say "well is this life to live or to die" (there were steps in between this but I forget them it was a couple of days ago) and he says "This life is to die..." and I was like...."excuse me Father while I PISS ON YOUR BEARD" THEY LET THIS FUCKING MORON LEAD A CONGREGATION? YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET CHARLES MANSON AND END IT RIGHT NOW

At one point this mother fucker says "Mina are there girls in your Martial Arts classes" I said "...yes" this son of a bitch has the audacity to say "well girls are a distraction and how can you be close to God with distractions" to which I responded "...I apologize Father, I'll hand in my testicles to the nearest drop box and continue on with my life..."

But as I said previously, the conversation continues for a duration of two endless hours of me kicking his ass using only my tongue and my wit, when finally he says "I don't want you to get me wrong, I respect what you do, and I'm proud of your accomplishments in the Martial Arts"...THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ARGUING WITH ME ABOUT O_O, My goodness it's people like this that disgrace every kind of spirituality known to man, like I'm as religious as the the next fella but there's a difference between being religious and being a self righteous douchebag

But regardless the day continues they decide to "feed" me with a bagel, with creme cheese, and two cold eggs...WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH COLD EGGS I ALMOST THREW IT AT THE COOK DO YOUR FUCKING JOB, but I eat and I go out to do some manual labour, and I figure manual labour, that's good I get to exercise and become stronger...they had me painting for three fucking hours....strange boxes that were to be used as bee hives later because apparently the Monastery makes honey....WHY THE FUCK IS IT MAKING HONEY...and the paint we were using was green...eventually I turned to the guy painting beside me (there was a total off three guys including me that were stupid enough to go on this job) and said "did anyone think about the fact that green is a really shitty colour to be painting things in?"

It is at this point I remember the conversation I had in the car with the Priest
Priest: "yea we used to get government funding so I could pay the students working there, but that's not happening anymore"
Asaya: "So we're not getting paid..."
Priest: "Nope..."
Asaya: "-_-...."
So I said fuck it and told them I'd be back in 30 minutes, I went took a 20 minute nap, woke up and I decided to use the last 10 minutes to eat so real food...so I pull out my handy dandy smart phone use the GPS to find the nearest restaurant to me...apparently this Monastery is in the middle of Bumfuck, Egypt because there were no restaurants in the town...the nearest restaurant was in the town next to us an hour and a half away by walking....and so I walked it, and I walked for a real long fucking time until low and behold I finally found the sign that said "The Township of East Jesus, New Mexico" and it's at this time the Priest calls me up

Priest: So where are you
Asaya: Looks at the sign I'm in "The Township of East Jesus, New Mexico"
Priest:....WHAT THE FUCK....I mean *cough* how'd you get there
Asaya: I walked...
Priest: Why?
Asaya: Because I wanted to walk... and I was hungry...
Priest: So are you coming back or are you walking home
Asaya: Mmm what time are you going home
Priest: Around 5
Asaya: (It's currently 3:30) Oh yea I'll probably be there
Priest: Kk...

So I go to eat and the restaurant I originally found on the GPS "Home Steak Cookhouse" was closed on account of it being Friday I guess...who the fuck closes on Friday?, but right beside it was "Sam's Fish and Chips" and I went in and met Sam....and I said "hello Sam I'll have the Fish and Chips" and he said "kk" and I got and I ate the fish and chips...now I've never had fish and chips before so I don't know how good it was comparatively, but it was decent...what I really wanted though was a milkshake as advertised outside but I didn't see it on the menu and figured I had no time to drink it anyways, so I left it alone only to be disappointed later, went on eating for 15 minutes and left the restaurant at 3:45, knowing it takes an hour and a half to get back I was pretty screwed... so I sprinted for part of it while trying to hitch hike by putting my thumb out (Canadians are not as polite as people think...not one mofo stopped for me T_T) and ended up getting there at 4:40, 20 minutes early...unfortunately the Priest left a half hour late...at 5:30...so I didn't need to run....ever....fuck you Priest fuck you....

And thus ended a horrible day honestly the best part was the 11 KM walk that kinda cheered me up...but still left me jobless T_T

Blood...it's in you...to KEEP YOUR ASS ALIVE,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

Red and Silent Hill

As we often do in this blog, I will relate two movies that have absolutely nothing to do with each other (and somehow claim they ripped each other off), this time it's Red (2010) the action comedy with Bruce Willis and MORGAN FREEEEEEEMAN and Silent Hill (2006) the horror (comedy?) based on the game, with what seems to be an unrecognizable cast...I really hope MORGAN FREEEEEEEMAN does voice overs in this:

What...THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY MOUTH

So I've never actually played these games before, are they any good? My only expectation is that it will be the exact opposite of the Sound Of Music "The hiiillls are alive with the sound of muuuuusic" NOT ANYMORE WOMAN NO! NOW AUDRINA, LAUREN AND THAT BITCH KRISTIN HAVE TO FIGHT THEIR WAY THROUGH MUTATED MONSTERS THAT WE'RE ABANDONED BY THE GOVERNMENT (Yes I did just put Silent Hill, The Sound of Music, The Hills reality tv show, and The Hills Have Eyes references into one paragraph)

(According to this weird english facts website: the word "testify" comes from a time when men were required to swear on their testicles( http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1FSqRf/www.did-you-knows.com/did-you-know-facts/english-language.php?page=1 )...I actually think thats a much more effective way to prevent perjury...)

Alright so I got to the 53 minute mark when I said fuck it, this movie is just a typical slasher film, except with really crappy editing that takes you out of intense moments, and only slightly gruesome monsters you barely get to see because the entire movie is apparently shot in the fucking dark, it has been a very painful 53 minutes to say the least

LET'S DO THIS

After finishing this movie I was pleasantly surprised, it was kinda like Get Smart except in Get Smart the comedy is better, and in Red the action is better...damn in Red the actions better than in a lot of other movies to. I wouldn't watch it a second time but I got to admit they managed to make a light hearted action packed movie, with some emotion but it wasn't heavy on it, good for a Friday night with my girl (no matter how imaginary she is)

Ya'll Ready For This?,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

Hanasaku Iroha

Ohana: "These bitches is trying to kill me"

I know what your thinking "wow too relatively recent anime reviews in one week...Asaya you're the best...we love you so much...please run for president O_O"

So cutting to the chase: after watching the first episode(hey I made it through the entire episode) I don't know how I feel about this anime. It's about a girl who is bored with her life and for reasons to forced into the plot for me to mention in this post, she must then uproot and move to a hot springs, and she's expecting a fairy tale dream like thing, but instead she is forced into hard labour by her own grandmother (so I guess she's Filipino?), which is kind of more exciting than her old life but she realizes she hates that life to which reminds me of that Chris Rock quote "Married and bored, or single and lonely....ain't no happiness no where"

The actual art is beautiful, and I like the idea of the story but it's delivery was slow (like the most exciting thing that happened all episodes was Ohana got triple slapped by her grandmother...I was like WTF?!?! HOW'D SHE DO THAT?! just goes to show if you train hard you can abuse children too) and bland, and it really reminds me of a Spirited Away sort of plot line (except you know...Iroha sucked...) in fact I'm pretty sure if you look at the ending sequence that weird crow thingy from Spirited Away can clearly be spotted for like a full second or two and then the grandma looks at the bird lovingly from her window

It's weird that I got a recommendation for this anime today in specific because today was one of those days I felt really bored with my life, like everything is too mundane and predictable, but this reminded me "hey you probably don't want unpredictable"...I don't know if I agree with that statement completely, nor do I know if I like this anime or hate it, nor do I know if I'll continue watching it....this anime has brought up more questions then answers.....is that the sign of a great anime?

BOW MOTHERFUCKER WHAT?!,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

Supe Random Thoughts Part 6

So turns out Ignatieff did rage quite after all, ah well Ignatieff better luck douching it up somewhere else

Guys you ever get so angry that the only possible remedy is to take an extra big shit? Just me? Good to know.

You figure that Pacman is a metaphor for life, you go around collecting dots, which symbolizes money, for no apparent reason and you're being chased around by ghosts which are your fears, and doubts about yourself? Pretty deep huh? Thank you I'm gonna put it in my personal statement when applying to law school >_<

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9mzJhvC-8E ... after watching that video I have so much more respect for Obama, he is slowly turning into Tony Stark...and if Tony Stark runs America we know all would be right with the world

I don't know if it's just me or what this says about my state of mental health but ah we all know I'm screwed anyways so does anyone else still keep a grudge against their grade 5 teacher? I do...I still remember one incident with her:

Asaya: Ma'am I'm done my work
Teacher:...okay good for you...
Asaya:....woman I wasn't looking for shitty praise I wanted more work to occupy my mind, so I could grow to become smarter and eventually beat out Bill Gates
Teacher:...yea we'll your not getting any...
Asaya:....curses....(and thus started a slow decline in my interest for school which has caused a series of chain reactions that have led me to transfer out of my current university to a different one, for a different program causing me to have lost a full year of my life...thank you Ma'am thank you...may you burn in Hell...but not regular Hell no no I'm talking about Pocky Hell where you will be surrounded by infinite amounts of Pocky, of different varieties: strawberry, chocolate crush, mango, big ones, small ones, some as big as your head...but yet you will never be able to eat any of them O_O)

You ever get so desperate for money you get to searching through your old Yugioh cards hoping theres a super rare card you thought was useless but it turns out it's worth $15,000? Just me? Good to know

Have you guys seen this? There is an Ipad app that helps you study for the Bar exams in California and New York for the low low price of $999....WHAT THE HELL KIND OF FUCKING PREP COURSE IS THAT, after spending that kind of money you better pass the fucking Bar

So I watched the movie Bride Wars just now, I don't see why people hated it so much sure it wasn't a particularly good movie but it wasn't as bad as let's say...Nine with Penelope Cruz and the rest of those bastard women...my goodness I sat through that entire fucking movie thinking...oh eventually a plot line will happen...eventually but it never fucking did... FOR TWO FUCKING HOURS IT WAS LIKE FINAL FANTASY 12 ALL OVER AGAIN

Did you see this new movie The Beaver, pretty much Mel Gibson plays a guy that has to use a Beaver hand puppet to communicate...it looks like its one of those comedy/dramas that turn out to be drama/dramas. Now I haven't seen this movie but I have a serious problem with it already...a beaver wtf? Does this relate to the alcoholic claims earlier in Gibson's life? seriously it's like Hollywood isn't even TRYING to make good movies anymore, I mean at least try man why would you ever let this get through the first board meeting it should have gone like this:

Board meeting guy #1: So here's a movie about a guy that uses a Beaver to talk
Board meeting guy #2: ...Board meeting guy #1...your fired...

Alright I'm gonna end this crap here truth be told I didn't have anything to talk about (as you can tell) I just wanted 150 views before the end of the month ^_^

Respawn in 3...2...1...,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

Random Thoughts Part 4...I think

So the Canadian Federal Elections ended with the Conservatives getting a majority government with 164 seat, NDP in opposition with 101 seats, and Liberals in third place with 33 seats...Michael Ignatieff, the Liberal Party Leader, had this to say:

Michael: WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?! YES I WOULD LIKE TO RUN AGAIN BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED

But besides my oh so clever "Rage Quit" reference Ignatieff didn't rage quit...but really after you lose to the NDP, rage quitting would have been the proper thing to do, for those of you that don't know NDP is the New Democratic Party in Canada...their kinda like Rocky

In other news I held a garage sale in order to earn some money for the trip to China, and I'm proud to say we have earned $234 dollars, but really you haven't experienced humility until you've looked a man in the eyes and said "Donations are appreciated...", some people just suck you know guys you'd explain to em that your trying to further your career by going to China, and that your poor, and you have cancer but the Make A Wish Foundation won't fund your trip cause technically your not a kid I AM AT HEART YOU BASTARDS I BELIEVE I CAN FLY....PETER WHERE FOR ART THOU?! and then they just walk away...or in some cases run away T_T

I'd just like to say WOW the Social Network Post I did got a fuck load of views, in fact more views than any other post I've done, granted since most of that was pretty serious most of you didn't come back for the Public Enemies post the day after XD or maybe you guys actually do like serious? Or maybe it sounded so crazy and paranoid that it got passed around as an example of what not to do on the internets....am I the new Glenn Beck? Well Glenn Beck gets a lot of views...I guess I can live with that

Did they get the Nuclear Reactor in Japan fixed yet? They stopped covering it on the news the last I heard was they had it under control and then the day AFTER that they reported that they we're taking it up to an incident level 7 or something like that? All I heard was "something something something one step under Chernobyl" and I was like O_O WTFFFF

Guys we have more then 200 views in total and I'm remotely proud of where this blog has gone in such a short time...until I heard that our informal rival (informal because I don't think he knows we exist) Basugasubakuhatsu gets 200 views in a day -_- guys we must catch up I'm calling a full scale uptake on our website now I'm talking about inviting all your friends here, inviting your mother, your father, putting this website on billboards, and on school computers, and replacing the racially insensitive website you put up on the Sony Store computer with this website (which looking back is probably just as racially insensitive -__-) and clicking refresh on random posts so many times that I am FUCKING FORCED to believe I'm popular O_O (I look forward to your unresponsiveness)

Now speaking about how this blog sucks does anybody have any ideas on how to make it better, now remember I don't have any spare money so I can't hold contests or advertise, so we're pretty much limited to different kinds of posts I can do (I look forward to your unresponsiveness -_-)

Did ya hear Osama Bin Laden is dead:

Turns out he was in a mountainous region on the border of Pakistan...American Forces found him when he couldn't stop giggling every time they got too close (only took em ten years...), I don't know why this happened right after I watched Public Enemies I must be Nostradamus...you know...blog version Nostradamus

So I watched the new Transformers 3 trailer and it looks alright, Megan Fox is finally replaced by someone...unfortunately this someone looks worse and looks even dumber than Megan Fox herself (and we didn't think that was possible) when will they get to the much more intelligent and much hotter girl: Mary Elizabeth Winstead this girl is way to in the shadows her next movie is Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter which I'm sorry Mary looks too stupid even for me, as for the Transformers movie I'll watch it just to see if Michael Bay makes another racial slur half way through (and if you didn't notice any racial slurs in the first two look closer at all the black autobots role...shit Jazz was the only guy that died in the first one THE ONLY ONE WTF IS THAT)

Alright I'm gonna end it here I have a feeling the post will only degenerate if I continue

Normal Has Been Found But We're Not Turning Around,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

Public Enemies

Interesting story about those pants, apparently they actually belonged to John Dillinger THEY STOLE THE MAN'S PANTS

We're just full of biography movies this week (and by full I mean two...but really do you really need anymore?) this time it's the story of John Dillinger who was named Public Enemy Number 1 before Osama Bin Laden took his place...who of course was then replaced by Obama...:

Ohhh fuck it's a 2 hour and 20 minute movie -_-

I truly enjoy how everyone has a 1930's accent except for Marion Cotillard, I understand your supposed to be half French in the movie but shit I think even the French sounded a little different from the 1930's to now, you still sound like your doing Inception

(I would like to take this time to mention have you ever noticed that animals from the prehistoric ages look a lot like possible pokemon? Seriously go look up "living fossil" on wiki then go under mammals and just start looking at shit Aardvarks are cute little bastards, after that look under birds and tell me the Hoatzin doesn't look like fucking Ho-oh)

Let me tell you there is one scene about an hour into this movie where John Dillinger (Johnny Depp) and Melvin Purvis (Christian Bale) are talking face to face (and surprisingly Christian Bale isn't yelling about Johnny Depp ruining his scene or whatever) that is so reminiscent of Deathnote when Light and L are almost casually discussing how their going to beat each other, it instantly made this movie more likeable (except L in this case sucks), the Deathnote-ness doesn't stop their the entire movie is played out with the same style of story telling going from the bad guy's point of view to the good guy's over and letting you decide who's the real bad guy in this situation, while of course it's not executed as excellently as Deathnote itself it's a nice change from that fucking Facebook movie

Alright I finally finished it, and while it wasn't packed with the raw emotion that one would have liked (except for a little more at the end), mainly because 99% of everybody important to the plot were people you've never seen or heard about before:

John Dillinger: HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?! I TRUSTED YOU, I TRUSTED YOU...but I'm sorry I seem to have forgotten your name ^_^?

It was however filled with an intelligent emotion, you saw throughout the movie that John wasn't a hardened killer, he cared about people, and he was affected by what he saw, at the end of the day he was just a man trying to make a living in a day and age when robbing banks was an attractive option

In the end I couldn't really recommend this movie because it is a bit drawn out, but the ending did have that Deathnote-y feel to it and I guess that makes everything alright

911 Is A Joke,
Asaya HelwaEhwee