So as you guys know from my first entry in this series I was scammed once already, and here comes scam number 2:
So my mother comes to me with a "job opportunity" with the Church that she was told about by a close friend of mine, Leroy, let me tell you something Leroy's a fucking idiot and so am I for saying yes. The job entailed me doing a manual labour at a Monastery about an hour drive from my house, and since I'm a loser lacking a driver's licence I car pooled with a Priest...which as everyone knows....is never a good idea:
So I'm in the fucking car, and I try to be all polite and chipper you know get the morning off to a good start, the man answers me with "mhm" and "yea" for the first 40 minutes, then he takes the liberty of arguing with me about how Martial Arts is witchcraft or some other bullshit like that...now I have had this conversation before with other like minded retards but I haven't had a philosophical discussion in awhile so I was like fine I'll take it, so I beat him in the first 15 minutes as per usual, and as per usual they then spend another hour and a half stalling trying to win the argument to know avail
He decides to pull out the good old "I rely on a Higher Power to protect me and if I die then that's okay" which is a contradictory sentence but I let it go because there's no point in arguing against it with a fool so I say "well is this life to live or to die" (there were steps in between this but I forget them it was a couple of days ago) and he says "This life is to die..." and I was like...."excuse me Father while I PISS ON YOUR BEARD" THEY LET THIS FUCKING MORON LEAD A CONGREGATION? YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET CHARLES MANSON AND END IT RIGHT NOW
At one point this mother fucker says "Mina are there girls in your Martial Arts classes" I said "...yes" this son of a bitch has the audacity to say "well girls are a distraction and how can you be close to God with distractions" to which I responded "...I apologize Father, I'll hand in my testicles to the nearest drop box and continue on with my life..."
But as I said previously, the conversation continues for a duration of two endless hours of me kicking his ass using only my tongue and my wit, when finally he says "I don't want you to get me wrong, I respect what you do, and I'm proud of your accomplishments in the Martial Arts"...THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ARGUING WITH ME ABOUT O_O, My goodness it's people like this that disgrace every kind of spirituality known to man, like I'm as religious as the the next fella but there's a difference between being religious and being a self righteous douchebag
But regardless the day continues they decide to "feed" me with a bagel, with creme cheese, and two cold eggs...WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH COLD EGGS I ALMOST THREW IT AT THE COOK DO YOUR FUCKING JOB, but I eat and I go out to do some manual labour, and I figure manual labour, that's good I get to exercise and become stronger...they had me painting for three fucking hours....strange boxes that were to be used as bee hives later because apparently the Monastery makes honey....WHY THE FUCK IS IT MAKING HONEY...and the paint we were using was green...eventually I turned to the guy painting beside me (there was a total off three guys including me that were stupid enough to go on this job) and said "did anyone think about the fact that green is a really shitty colour to be painting things in?"
It is at this point I remember the conversation I had in the car with the Priest
Priest: "yea we used to get government funding so I could pay the students working there, but that's not happening anymore"
Asaya: "So we're not getting paid..."
Priest: "Nope..."
Asaya: "-_-...."
So I said fuck it and told them I'd be back in 30 minutes, I went took a 20 minute nap, woke up and I decided to use the last 10 minutes to eat so real food...so I pull out my handy dandy smart phone use the GPS to find the nearest restaurant to me...apparently this Monastery is in the middle of Bumfuck, Egypt because there were no restaurants in the town...the nearest restaurant was in the town next to us an hour and a half away by walking....and so I walked it, and I walked for a real long fucking time until low and behold I finally found the sign that said "The Township of East Jesus, New Mexico" and it's at this time the Priest calls me up
Priest: So where are you
Asaya: Looks at the sign I'm in "The Township of East Jesus, New Mexico"
Priest:....WHAT THE FUCK....I mean *cough* how'd you get there
Asaya: I walked...
Priest: Why?
Asaya: Because I wanted to walk... and I was hungry...
Priest: So are you coming back or are you walking home
Asaya: Mmm what time are you going home
Priest: Around 5
Asaya: (It's currently 3:30) Oh yea I'll probably be there
Priest: Kk...
So I go to eat and the restaurant I originally found on the GPS "Home Steak Cookhouse" was closed on account of it being Friday I guess...who the fuck closes on Friday?, but right beside it was "Sam's Fish and Chips" and I went in and met Sam....and I said "hello Sam I'll have the Fish and Chips" and he said "kk" and I got and I ate the fish and chips...now I've never had fish and chips before so I don't know how good it was comparatively, but it was decent...what I really wanted though was a milkshake as advertised outside but I didn't see it on the menu and figured I had no time to drink it anyways, so I left it alone only to be disappointed later, went on eating for 15 minutes and left the restaurant at 3:45, knowing it takes an hour and a half to get back I was pretty screwed... so I sprinted for part of it while trying to hitch hike by putting my thumb out (Canadians are not as polite as people think...not one mofo stopped for me T_T) and ended up getting there at 4:40, 20 minutes early...unfortunately the Priest left a half hour late...at 5:30...so I didn't need to run....ever....fuck you Priest fuck you....
And thus ended a horrible day honestly the best part was the 11 KM walk that kinda cheered me up...but still left me jobless T_T
Blood...it's in you...to KEEP YOUR ASS ALIVE,
Asaya HelwaEhwee
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