Paranormal Activity 3

(Major spoilers ahead, watch the movie then read the review...for the lulz)

The heartwarming coming of age story of two girls....actually no let me spin this a different way the adventures of a good guy marrying into a coven of witches...so its kinda like Guess Who with Aston Kutcher...

So the girls befriend some imaginary friend named Tobi...Tobi is a horrible demon...and yes Naruto fans its the same Tobi...and of course the step father decides to tape it and since its from 1988 its on vhs...high definition vhs but vhs none the less

Interesting note about the step dad...it looks exactly the husband from the first movie that takes place 20 years in the future...OMG I'm watching the Time Traveller's Wife O_O

So as I was watching I noticed...there is a certain way to deal with the supernatural and that guy wasn't doing it...I mean at all so I decided to write a lesson plan out to enlighten the average individual

Okay Class Lesson 1:

GET OUT OF THE FUCKING HOUSE: I don't mean get out of the house and get into another house I mean stay out of all houses for the time being...in fact if you can find a Shoppers Drug Mart then go there CAUSE NO SHIT IS GOING DOWN IN SHOPPERS (question professor: Will Wal-mart do? Answer: Fuck no) now the door might be locked so your going to have to get creative that demonic mother fucker might be able to lock doors but you think he replaced those windows with bullet proof glass? PFFFT NO he doesn't have that kind of budget 

Lesson 2:

If grandma is to nice then she belongs to a secret coven of witches

...

...

...

I don't care how much fucking pie she gave you

Lesson 3:

Imaginary friend: girl speaks and plays with a fictional person...oh so cute...so cute

Early Onset Schizophrenia: girl's fictional friend threatens to hurt the girl and she starts having seizures

Demonic possession: girl's friend starts THROWING SHIT AROUND YOUR FUCKING HOUSE

Lesson 4:

Turn that camera off "no one every wakes up and says 'today I'm starring in a youtube video'"

Lesson 5:

When being hunt by a group of evil witches leave the little girl to die...I know it seems mean but you'll thank me later

Lesson 6: 

Never play Bloody Mary with a 6 year old. subsection 1: shit can and will go down subsection 2: when shit does go down they totally pussy out

Lesson 7:

Remember, with the exception of grandma, you can probably take all those other old ladies down 

Lesson 8: 

TURN ON THE FUCKING LIGHTS why in the shit are you walking around in the dark when you just saw your wife suspended in midair

In the end though it was a better movie than the first two and the series does have a good intertwining plot to it now that makes it something a little bit more special. I wish though that they would do other stuff with the cameras like add something freaky in EVERY scene but not making it so obvious so there's a bit of a scavenger hunt, like shit some times the effects were just insulting BLINDERS DON'T CLOSE THAT LOUDLY I DON'T CARE HOW FAST YOU DO IT

Throw me a J!,

Asaya HelwaEhwee

2011-2012 Review

Dear God I'm pretty hungover, guys never play a game called Ring of Fire it's the devil. Alas hangover symptoms will pass with time as will the disappointing looks from friends, coworkers, and parents so chin up everybody. (Side note: SOBER apparently stands for: Son Of a Bitch Everything's Real)

2011 was a horrible horrible year let's start at the beginning:
January 2011: In my old university have realized for a month or so that I hate it and will never grow to like it
that takes us alllllll the way to like May
May: Lost my best friend doing exams at old uni
After exams: Near constant panic about transferring unis and getting the money for China
September: Got into new uni and got visa for China panicking about dying in China
November:....China -_-
December: This month actually was pretty good except for dealing with the psychological damage from China -_-
and now it's 2012 needless to say much like Adam Ferrara when the countdown started I was in the back yelling "HURRY UP"

This year seems like it's gonna be a good one it truly feels like a new start, even though I feel like shit right now I'm certain I'll look back on this with fond memories (I fucking hope I look back on this with fond memories) and after reading this quote:

"Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now."    — Charles Bukowski (1920-1994).


It now seems really appropriate that I got drunk off my ass (see what I did there ^_~ fuck you conscious...) remember guys wisdom is the product of several mistakes...here's a few lessons learned in 2011:


1. Never tell a former bartender that you can out drink him
2. Never go to a university that has a 2 for 1 deal on degrees -_-
3. Never underestimate the importance of a block in any context
4. Don't do the beer bong
5. Murphy's Law is a thing...
6. When travelling to a foreign country for an extended period of time with 20 individuals you don't know very well make sure to get a roommate you trust...and preferably a roommate with a vagina...
7. Listen to Craig Ferguson...he's a smart guy
...
I can't remember the rest... BUT I LEARNED THEM DAMMIT


Lessons learned in 2012 thus far:
1. That third drink is ALWAYS a bad idea


And Many More To Come,
Asaya HelwaEhwee