Essentially a Farewell...

Well I got a girlfriend, a real life girlfriend...we've been dating for almost 4 months and I'm very happy she's truly awesome. Thank you 1,800 people for supporting me through my trials to get to this point (even though you didn't XD). I probably won't be posting much more anymore, see you guys and remember it can happen for anyone...even you nerdy guy reading this right now.

To Be a Thief (+ two movie reviews)

Se7en

I'm Morgan Freeman and I'm in this damn movie

Se7en is a pretty good movie actually, wonderfully crafted, not all to predictable, it doesn't rely on the gore but isn't skimpy on it either. In short is a two hours well spent and I completely recommend it.

Confessions

....made Se7en look like an episode of Hello Kitty...this movie while not actually scary puts new meaning to "psychological thriller" and gives you a new far more depressing perspective on humanity....recommended to watch but only with alcohol...oh so much alcohol O_O

And that'll be it for the movie reviews now for the real reason why I have gathered you all here today, but before I start I want to make a side note: I'm going to be speaking in really flowery language...because it's all I've been reading for the past two months and I can't use it in my essays without getting the words awkward phrasing (MOTHER FUCKER) written all over it...and so it shall be used here O_O:

Guys...as you know my new major is not working out and I think I plan to switch out....again...to philosophy. This has, needless to say, made my countenance sad and I now, like Hamlet, wear nighted colours and in this state of weakness a thought continues to plague me. I have mentioned this thought once before in this very forum but I never developed it...this post is the hypothetical (please don't have me arrested) development of the thought of BECOMING A THIEF.

Listen guys I got it, I'll just tell em I'm George fuckin' Clooney and they'll open the vault right up

Now you may say: "but Asaya you're planning on becoming a lawyer is that thievery not enough for you?" Alas dear friends it isn't, my heart craves for thievery that requires more cardio. I however do not speak of robbing, I have no intention of holding a knife to an unsuspecting mans back in hopes that he'll give me his money. No no I desire a thievery of more noble pursuits: art, rare jewellery, historical items and other such materials that museums have the gall to say "please do not touch the exhibits". I wouldn't keep them for myself though, that would be selfish, I would simply steal it, poke at it for a few minutes to be able to say that I did, and then sell it back to the museum fair and square.

Fuck you it's a good movie...

"What brought on these inspiring thoughts?" you may ask and to tell you the truth I am not entirely sure. I desire adventure my dear lads and to think that I might be confined to a single post later in my life terrifies me to my very core, but once again to think that I may not have any position at all puts fear in me that causes my being to implode in upon itself. Thievery seems to me the best way to avoid both commitments. And while I realize these thoughts are ludicrous I can't help but think them and simply just be filled with wonder at a life that could be.

"But stealing is wrong" you may say. But alas what is a man to do in these times of bullshittery, all jobs are pointless, and careers only a small step ahead. Everything is related to politics and winning the approval of another. I despise the other and wish to never see them again, why must I seek her approval when I can simply become a man of my own. I only desire to have a life of relative uncertainty, where I may walk into a bar appearing and being a tough man in his own right so I can say such cool things as "You owe me money you lousy bum", "I'll have a beer, and "I'm going to the bathroom". 

But once again alas even as I write these words I know I do not truly desire a life of uncertainty. I am a man that likes his fridge full daily, I am a man that doesn't enjoy fighting more then once in a long while, I am a man that likes to go to the bathroom without letting the entire room know about it. I romanticize this life but I know (I think) that I would not enjoy it truly. But I still wonder what is a man to do with this boredom, with this stifled soul that disturbs his peace and doesn't even allow him a moment to read 10 pages continuously. But if I could just be a thief even just make one good heist, let's say...stealing the Mona Lisa (start out small you know?), then I would be set, there wouldn't be anything uncertain about it except for the fact that I may or may not go to jail, but I'd do such a good job of covering my tracks that they wouldn't even know the Mona Lisa was gone and replaced by a giant wall scroll with an chibi Saber on it for at least two weeks.

Sounds like a plan...

or maybe I'll just write a book...yea I'll write a book. Thanks guys I would love to hear any advice you have on this.

Thanks for the medals,

Asaya HelwaEhwee

Paranormal Activity 3

(Major spoilers ahead, watch the movie then read the review...for the lulz)

The heartwarming coming of age story of two girls....actually no let me spin this a different way the adventures of a good guy marrying into a coven of witches...so its kinda like Guess Who with Aston Kutcher...

So the girls befriend some imaginary friend named Tobi...Tobi is a horrible demon...and yes Naruto fans its the same Tobi...and of course the step father decides to tape it and since its from 1988 its on vhs...high definition vhs but vhs none the less

Interesting note about the step dad...it looks exactly the husband from the first movie that takes place 20 years in the future...OMG I'm watching the Time Traveller's Wife O_O

So as I was watching I noticed...there is a certain way to deal with the supernatural and that guy wasn't doing it...I mean at all so I decided to write a lesson plan out to enlighten the average individual

Okay Class Lesson 1:

GET OUT OF THE FUCKING HOUSE: I don't mean get out of the house and get into another house I mean stay out of all houses for the time being...in fact if you can find a Shoppers Drug Mart then go there CAUSE NO SHIT IS GOING DOWN IN SHOPPERS (question professor: Will Wal-mart do? Answer: Fuck no) now the door might be locked so your going to have to get creative that demonic mother fucker might be able to lock doors but you think he replaced those windows with bullet proof glass? PFFFT NO he doesn't have that kind of budget 

Lesson 2:

If grandma is to nice then she belongs to a secret coven of witches

...

...

...

I don't care how much fucking pie she gave you

Lesson 3:

Imaginary friend: girl speaks and plays with a fictional person...oh so cute...so cute

Early Onset Schizophrenia: girl's fictional friend threatens to hurt the girl and she starts having seizures

Demonic possession: girl's friend starts THROWING SHIT AROUND YOUR FUCKING HOUSE

Lesson 4:

Turn that camera off "no one every wakes up and says 'today I'm starring in a youtube video'"

Lesson 5:

When being hunt by a group of evil witches leave the little girl to die...I know it seems mean but you'll thank me later

Lesson 6: 

Never play Bloody Mary with a 6 year old. subsection 1: shit can and will go down subsection 2: when shit does go down they totally pussy out

Lesson 7:

Remember, with the exception of grandma, you can probably take all those other old ladies down 

Lesson 8: 

TURN ON THE FUCKING LIGHTS why in the shit are you walking around in the dark when you just saw your wife suspended in midair

In the end though it was a better movie than the first two and the series does have a good intertwining plot to it now that makes it something a little bit more special. I wish though that they would do other stuff with the cameras like add something freaky in EVERY scene but not making it so obvious so there's a bit of a scavenger hunt, like shit some times the effects were just insulting BLINDERS DON'T CLOSE THAT LOUDLY I DON'T CARE HOW FAST YOU DO IT

Throw me a J!,

Asaya HelwaEhwee

2011-2012 Review

Dear God I'm pretty hungover, guys never play a game called Ring of Fire it's the devil. Alas hangover symptoms will pass with time as will the disappointing looks from friends, coworkers, and parents so chin up everybody. (Side note: SOBER apparently stands for: Son Of a Bitch Everything's Real)

2011 was a horrible horrible year let's start at the beginning:
January 2011: In my old university have realized for a month or so that I hate it and will never grow to like it
that takes us alllllll the way to like May
May: Lost my best friend doing exams at old uni
After exams: Near constant panic about transferring unis and getting the money for China
September: Got into new uni and got visa for China panicking about dying in China
November:....China -_-
December: This month actually was pretty good except for dealing with the psychological damage from China -_-
and now it's 2012 needless to say much like Adam Ferrara when the countdown started I was in the back yelling "HURRY UP"

This year seems like it's gonna be a good one it truly feels like a new start, even though I feel like shit right now I'm certain I'll look back on this with fond memories (I fucking hope I look back on this with fond memories) and after reading this quote:

"Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now."    — Charles Bukowski (1920-1994).


It now seems really appropriate that I got drunk off my ass (see what I did there ^_~ fuck you conscious...) remember guys wisdom is the product of several mistakes...here's a few lessons learned in 2011:


1. Never tell a former bartender that you can out drink him
2. Never go to a university that has a 2 for 1 deal on degrees -_-
3. Never underestimate the importance of a block in any context
4. Don't do the beer bong
5. Murphy's Law is a thing...
6. When travelling to a foreign country for an extended period of time with 20 individuals you don't know very well make sure to get a roommate you trust...and preferably a roommate with a vagina...
7. Listen to Craig Ferguson...he's a smart guy
...
I can't remember the rest... BUT I LEARNED THEM DAMMIT


Lessons learned in 2012 thus far:
1. That third drink is ALWAYS a bad idea


And Many More To Come,
Asaya HelwaEhwee