Essentially a Farewell...

Well I got a girlfriend, a real life girlfriend...we've been dating for almost 4 months and I'm very happy she's truly awesome. Thank you 1,800 people for supporting me through my trials to get to this point (even though you didn't XD). I probably won't be posting much more anymore, see you guys and remember it can happen for anyone...even you nerdy guy reading this right now.

To Be a Thief (+ two movie reviews)

Se7en

I'm Morgan Freeman and I'm in this damn movie

Se7en is a pretty good movie actually, wonderfully crafted, not all to predictable, it doesn't rely on the gore but isn't skimpy on it either. In short is a two hours well spent and I completely recommend it.

Confessions

....made Se7en look like an episode of Hello Kitty...this movie while not actually scary puts new meaning to "psychological thriller" and gives you a new far more depressing perspective on humanity....recommended to watch but only with alcohol...oh so much alcohol O_O

And that'll be it for the movie reviews now for the real reason why I have gathered you all here today, but before I start I want to make a side note: I'm going to be speaking in really flowery language...because it's all I've been reading for the past two months and I can't use it in my essays without getting the words awkward phrasing (MOTHER FUCKER) written all over it...and so it shall be used here O_O:

Guys...as you know my new major is not working out and I think I plan to switch out....again...to philosophy. This has, needless to say, made my countenance sad and I now, like Hamlet, wear nighted colours and in this state of weakness a thought continues to plague me. I have mentioned this thought once before in this very forum but I never developed it...this post is the hypothetical (please don't have me arrested) development of the thought of BECOMING A THIEF.

Listen guys I got it, I'll just tell em I'm George fuckin' Clooney and they'll open the vault right up

Now you may say: "but Asaya you're planning on becoming a lawyer is that thievery not enough for you?" Alas dear friends it isn't, my heart craves for thievery that requires more cardio. I however do not speak of robbing, I have no intention of holding a knife to an unsuspecting mans back in hopes that he'll give me his money. No no I desire a thievery of more noble pursuits: art, rare jewellery, historical items and other such materials that museums have the gall to say "please do not touch the exhibits". I wouldn't keep them for myself though, that would be selfish, I would simply steal it, poke at it for a few minutes to be able to say that I did, and then sell it back to the museum fair and square.

Fuck you it's a good movie...

"What brought on these inspiring thoughts?" you may ask and to tell you the truth I am not entirely sure. I desire adventure my dear lads and to think that I might be confined to a single post later in my life terrifies me to my very core, but once again to think that I may not have any position at all puts fear in me that causes my being to implode in upon itself. Thievery seems to me the best way to avoid both commitments. And while I realize these thoughts are ludicrous I can't help but think them and simply just be filled with wonder at a life that could be.

"But stealing is wrong" you may say. But alas what is a man to do in these times of bullshittery, all jobs are pointless, and careers only a small step ahead. Everything is related to politics and winning the approval of another. I despise the other and wish to never see them again, why must I seek her approval when I can simply become a man of my own. I only desire to have a life of relative uncertainty, where I may walk into a bar appearing and being a tough man in his own right so I can say such cool things as "You owe me money you lousy bum", "I'll have a beer, and "I'm going to the bathroom". 

But once again alas even as I write these words I know I do not truly desire a life of uncertainty. I am a man that likes his fridge full daily, I am a man that doesn't enjoy fighting more then once in a long while, I am a man that likes to go to the bathroom without letting the entire room know about it. I romanticize this life but I know (I think) that I would not enjoy it truly. But I still wonder what is a man to do with this boredom, with this stifled soul that disturbs his peace and doesn't even allow him a moment to read 10 pages continuously. But if I could just be a thief even just make one good heist, let's say...stealing the Mona Lisa (start out small you know?), then I would be set, there wouldn't be anything uncertain about it except for the fact that I may or may not go to jail, but I'd do such a good job of covering my tracks that they wouldn't even know the Mona Lisa was gone and replaced by a giant wall scroll with an chibi Saber on it for at least two weeks.

Sounds like a plan...

or maybe I'll just write a book...yea I'll write a book. Thanks guys I would love to hear any advice you have on this.

Thanks for the medals,

Asaya HelwaEhwee

Paranormal Activity 3

(Major spoilers ahead, watch the movie then read the review...for the lulz)

The heartwarming coming of age story of two girls....actually no let me spin this a different way the adventures of a good guy marrying into a coven of witches...so its kinda like Guess Who with Aston Kutcher...

So the girls befriend some imaginary friend named Tobi...Tobi is a horrible demon...and yes Naruto fans its the same Tobi...and of course the step father decides to tape it and since its from 1988 its on vhs...high definition vhs but vhs none the less

Interesting note about the step dad...it looks exactly the husband from the first movie that takes place 20 years in the future...OMG I'm watching the Time Traveller's Wife O_O

So as I was watching I noticed...there is a certain way to deal with the supernatural and that guy wasn't doing it...I mean at all so I decided to write a lesson plan out to enlighten the average individual

Okay Class Lesson 1:

GET OUT OF THE FUCKING HOUSE: I don't mean get out of the house and get into another house I mean stay out of all houses for the time being...in fact if you can find a Shoppers Drug Mart then go there CAUSE NO SHIT IS GOING DOWN IN SHOPPERS (question professor: Will Wal-mart do? Answer: Fuck no) now the door might be locked so your going to have to get creative that demonic mother fucker might be able to lock doors but you think he replaced those windows with bullet proof glass? PFFFT NO he doesn't have that kind of budget 

Lesson 2:

If grandma is to nice then she belongs to a secret coven of witches

...

...

...

I don't care how much fucking pie she gave you

Lesson 3:

Imaginary friend: girl speaks and plays with a fictional person...oh so cute...so cute

Early Onset Schizophrenia: girl's fictional friend threatens to hurt the girl and she starts having seizures

Demonic possession: girl's friend starts THROWING SHIT AROUND YOUR FUCKING HOUSE

Lesson 4:

Turn that camera off "no one every wakes up and says 'today I'm starring in a youtube video'"

Lesson 5:

When being hunt by a group of evil witches leave the little girl to die...I know it seems mean but you'll thank me later

Lesson 6: 

Never play Bloody Mary with a 6 year old. subsection 1: shit can and will go down subsection 2: when shit does go down they totally pussy out

Lesson 7:

Remember, with the exception of grandma, you can probably take all those other old ladies down 

Lesson 8: 

TURN ON THE FUCKING LIGHTS why in the shit are you walking around in the dark when you just saw your wife suspended in midair

In the end though it was a better movie than the first two and the series does have a good intertwining plot to it now that makes it something a little bit more special. I wish though that they would do other stuff with the cameras like add something freaky in EVERY scene but not making it so obvious so there's a bit of a scavenger hunt, like shit some times the effects were just insulting BLINDERS DON'T CLOSE THAT LOUDLY I DON'T CARE HOW FAST YOU DO IT

Throw me a J!,

Asaya HelwaEhwee

2011-2012 Review

Dear God I'm pretty hungover, guys never play a game called Ring of Fire it's the devil. Alas hangover symptoms will pass with time as will the disappointing looks from friends, coworkers, and parents so chin up everybody. (Side note: SOBER apparently stands for: Son Of a Bitch Everything's Real)

2011 was a horrible horrible year let's start at the beginning:
January 2011: In my old university have realized for a month or so that I hate it and will never grow to like it
that takes us alllllll the way to like May
May: Lost my best friend doing exams at old uni
After exams: Near constant panic about transferring unis and getting the money for China
September: Got into new uni and got visa for China panicking about dying in China
November:....China -_-
December: This month actually was pretty good except for dealing with the psychological damage from China -_-
and now it's 2012 needless to say much like Adam Ferrara when the countdown started I was in the back yelling "HURRY UP"

This year seems like it's gonna be a good one it truly feels like a new start, even though I feel like shit right now I'm certain I'll look back on this with fond memories (I fucking hope I look back on this with fond memories) and after reading this quote:

"Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now."    — Charles Bukowski (1920-1994).


It now seems really appropriate that I got drunk off my ass (see what I did there ^_~ fuck you conscious...) remember guys wisdom is the product of several mistakes...here's a few lessons learned in 2011:


1. Never tell a former bartender that you can out drink him
2. Never go to a university that has a 2 for 1 deal on degrees -_-
3. Never underestimate the importance of a block in any context
4. Don't do the beer bong
5. Murphy's Law is a thing...
6. When travelling to a foreign country for an extended period of time with 20 individuals you don't know very well make sure to get a roommate you trust...and preferably a roommate with a vagina...
7. Listen to Craig Ferguson...he's a smart guy
...
I can't remember the rest... BUT I LEARNED THEM DAMMIT


Lessons learned in 2012 thus far:
1. That third drink is ALWAYS a bad idea


And Many More To Come,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

Happythankyoumoreplease

Honestly....sooo glad I didn't pay to watch this

A movie about love...not really more like a film about New York, okay I don't got shit all for an introduction can we just move on to the damn movie?

Surprisingly this doesn't paint New York as a magical city, where everyone is happy regardless of the violence, pollution and traffic. Josh Radnor (Ted from How I Met Your Mother) wrote this, I think, almost exclusively to show how New York can gobble up people whole, chew them out for 10-15 years and then spit them out to New Jersey. 

You definitely get a cynical feeling from the writing, which is exactly what I thought I needed right now instead of all the happy go lucky stuff, but by the end of it your like "OMG I NEED SOME HAPPY GO LUCKY STUFF" it's not even that sad it's just so incredibly mundane.

All the female characters suck (both on a personal level and on a story telling level) with the exception of Kate Mara's (tee hee Mara from Persona 3) character, Mississippi, who is cute and fragile and mysterious and she's not that good either but she had me smitten by the end of it.

All the male characters on the other hand...well there were four male characters all together:
Sam: A more cynical Ted, who doesn't like helping people anymore but he still does it cause it secretly makes him feel good, any notion of romance is gone from the outside but Ted is still in there romancing away...he reminds me of me...except in like 10 years

Long Haired Guy: Has a bitch for a girlfriend who's holding him back but is such a cool guy he doesn't even really mind

Guy That Showed Up For A Total Of Five Minutes To Show How Stupid One Of The Female Characters is: He's played with real depth...

Samtwo: Ohhh Samtwo, the fucking BEST part of this movie. A man with such persistence and such undeniable romancing prowess (thats right FUCKING PROWESS) that by the end of the movie you love this man with all your heart and just wish to be even a fraction of the awesomeness he is. If there's ANY reason to watch this movie it's Sammotherfuckingtwo

In the end the movie gave me a feeling of reinvigoration. That made me want to get up and live life again and visit downtown Toronto and all that great stuff, but that feeling is short lived and you realize that you will never want to watch this movie ever again, it felt (much like this blog post) cut up and at the end you feel like you've accomplished nothing, the only positive aspect is that the writers kept it mercifully short (see what I did there >_<)

I'd recommend this movie to people who are tired of cliches...you'll get the joke after you watch it....but you'll kind of like it trust me.

Sammotherfuckingtwo,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

First Product Review: The Sony Cybershot DSC-W530 (I think...)

BEN-TOOOOO

Alright guys so I've been kind of having an all day panic attack today, I'm afraid that all the stupid decisions I made in China are going to catch up to me...and while we're on the subjects all the stupid decisions I've ever made in my life are totally going to catch up to me and I'm going to end up broke, in a box on the street doing the one card trick everybody knows for money and I'll still be a virgin THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN ON ME MAAAAN O_O...so maybe it's best we just drop it and get to the product review, okay guys? I TOLD YOU TO FUCKING DROP IT ^_^

So the Sony Cybershot....alright I'll give you a minute to process how awesome of a name the Cybershot is even if it is just for the fact that it sounds like an attack from Digimon...or Beyblades...and early Yugioh...alright processed?...okay one more minute...good now let's get to it:

For $120 Canadian at Best Buy:

Battery Life:
This was huge to me because my previous camera ate up batteries like a mother fucker, and it wasn't rechargeable. I set out to find a camera with a lithium sort of battery and that's exactly what the cybershot provided, it gets better in my 25 or so days I spent in China I only charged it once...maybe twice MAX that's with low to moderate usage (leaning more towards moderate because I ended up with 560 pictures...)

Picture Quality: It's actually really good. You can't really zoom in once it's on the computer, but the overall quality of the picture is fantastic and was able to take landscape shots on the top of the mountains better then I imagined it could. And while you think certain details are being missed on the camera (such as a setting sun on a misty day) once you put it onto the computer you find those details to be there (at least of what I experienced)

I took this picture at the start of the Great Wall called the Dragon's Head (btw there is no actual dragon's head there...I was disappointed to...) look at it....LOOK AT IT O_O

Performance:
Here's where the camera fell a bit, I found it was really slow, like it could take pictures fast but their would be a pause to then load that picture onto the screen and take it off in order to take another pictures, this made the burst mode necessary in some instances where I needed to take action shots, and sometimes made taking people pictures awkward, I also noticed that sometimes the pictures would seem blurred I'm sure that was from my hand moving but I think most digital camera don't blur that much, it also couldn't take pictures of giant tv screens in the airport...I don't know if thats important or not but I felt it needed to be said...Sometimes I felt that it took two or three tries just to get a picture focused and when I got home I found some of the pictures I took did turn out a little blurry without me even noticing it at the time (so I guess that could have been an Asaya problem rather then a Cybershot problem)

External:
With a very sleek look it gives off the impression of an expensive camera without the price tag (can you believe Sony isn't paying me for this?) the weight was also lighter and more compact than the other cameras I've had. The only real problem with the outside appearance isn't even part of the camera itself but with its cord it connected the vga cord (or whatever the red, yellow, and white cable that connects to the tv is called) the microusb, and the regular usb into on giant cord that couldn't fit into a small camera bag like the one I had so it wasn't ideal for travelling regardless though I felt it was a minor issue and ended up transferring all the pictures when I got back from China anyways which was a simple process of connecting going into the DCIM folder and copying the pictures (maybe there was a program to do that I don't know but thats what I do with all my cameras...and it works)

And that's it in the long run a very, very worth while buy and if you've been betrayed by digital cameras a lot over the past decade I definitely recommend it for a budget under $200 because this camera is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down (most of the time), never gonna run around, and dessert you, never gonna make you cry, never gonna say good bye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

Coco Break,
Asaya HelwaEhwee

China: The After Word

So guys I promised a comprehensive day by day review of China when I get back, that's gonna be the second time because of this trip I've learned not to shoot my mouth off because I can't do that. Because I went under an organizations name I won't be able to write about my experiences for the most part due to it possibly damaging the name of that organization, or rather I could write about it with permission but it would be so plain and unfunny that I simply refuse to put it up (granted though this blog might be plain and unfunny already BUT I'M TRYING DAMMIT)

So I sincerely apologize for this disappointment. BUT not all is bad the trip turned out pretty good, the training was meh...thats right meh after 4 years of training in Martial Arts I feel that a few hours here and there won't help me out significantly BUT I didn't go on this trip for the training...I went for the culture ^_^ just to talk, shop, argue, yell at, and eat with the Chinese people was great, I learned a lot about their mentality and much about my own. I can at least tell you a couple of lessons I learned whilst there:

1. Bring your own deodorant because it took me forever to find even just one can...usually I use the roll on but I settled after 20 days of searching on the fucking spray thinking I could use it for the final 7 or so days until I realized we had to board a plane in three days so I had to throw it out...IT WAS 60 YUAN DAMMIT THATS $10 FUCKING DOLLARS CANADIAN

2. Make SURE you know who your roommate is...I mean really is I just chose the quiet guy that seemed nice and it ended up with him being a total douche, or rather a half douche, he'd let the other guys in to my room so they could prank me (this ended with me being extremely paranoid while going to bed of people trying to shave my head...no one did but I did find my shoes in the chandelier at one point which royally pissed me off but I let it slide...because there was 1 night left) He would also say douchey cliches at the worst possible moment like "It is what it is", "It's all relative", and my personal worst for him while we we're waiting for one final bag that took to long at baggage claim "It'll come out when it needs to come out" SHUT THE FUCK UP

3. Don't go to China with depression thinking you'll all of a sudden be cured...that shit will catch up with you. And then your roommate will say dicky things to exasperated your depression like "It is what it is." SHUT THE FUCK UP

4. If you've seen one ancient Buddhist Temple you've seen them all...TRUST ME it's exactly like visiting all the big Churches in Montreal, you think the first one is cool if your in to that kind of thing and the other 1500 are just repeats of what you saw in the first one

5. You know how you can scarf down 2 big macs in Canada or the States and still be hungry no problem? DON'T FUCKING TRY IT IN CHINA THEIR FAST FOOD WILL KILL YOU...AND YOU WILL BE ON THE TOILET WHILE YOU DIE. You'll eat one and you'll say oh okay I can have another STOP...IN THE NAME OF LOVE wait a minimum of 7-10 minutes WAIT YOU FAT BASTARD...and then make a decision...you have been warned

6. I don't recommend travelling with a big group like I did. I travelled with 20 people and while by the end of it they became like family to me emotions do run high and when you see such beautiful sights such as the Yellow Mountains (which I do recommend) you look over beside you and wish you we're with someone you loved instead of this seemingly random individual. Also travelling with an itinerary really sucks and I hated doing it even though we got to see a lot of cool places I wish I had time to just relax in some of the places like Taiyuan where we only spent one night.

7. The food was actually pretty good about 70% of the time don't listen to what anybody says about it unless they've physically been in China, just before my trip I heard from three different people, three different things  "Don't eat the meat", "don't eat the vegetables", "don't eat the fish"...that leaves nothing...-_-

8. You know how everybody says wifi in China is everywhere and the internet is so fast....total bullshit....TOTAL BULLSHIT

9. Dear God I hope I don't have any sort of disease now that I drank the ice there...there water situation is actually that bad, most of the time they'd serve 2.5% beer for it's antibacterial effects at the dinner table instead of water, and they NEVER served cold water.

10. I'm so happy to be back in Canada. I loved China but I couldn't take another day there just between you and me (and the internets). It is a first world country stuck in a third world mentality in my opinion and you really have to get used to it before you can start enjoying it but it's always good to be back in Canada even if it's just for the plain and simple fact that the water can't kill you, you can identify what your eating, or you don't get stopped by street vendors while your moving.

Which brings me to the list of Chinese words I had to learn to survive:
Mayo: No
Booyo: Get the hell away from me
Sheshe: Thank you
Ni How: Hello
Bookushi: Your Welcome (I think?)
... that's it...mainly what we used to communicate was the noble game of charades, and by the end of it I got smart and started drawing to communicate but that skill came in too late to be used.

In the end people ask me was it worth it, and I can't answer because I don't know what the lessons that we're taught to me over there are going to do for me here, the memories were alright, the food was alright, nothing particularly stood out and made me so OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS COUNTRY but who knows how I'll feel one year from now, but so far I think I'm gonna have to answer no.

And oh that reminds me about that first kiss goal I had let me think....I FUCKING DID IT YATTAAAAAAAAA *plays "All I Do Is Win"* Thanks to everyone that helped me reach this goal ^_^

Is The Jade Fucking Real or Not,
Asaya HelwaEhwee